But now I dont want to go to graduate school
and I was very lost when I realized I didn’t want to go to graduate school. I didn’t know what I wanted from life, I thought I should just die because I didn’t think there was anything left for me, I couldn’t see a reason to be alive. I don’t want to work a regular job just to live a average existence so I didn’t want to live anymore.
Now a year later I have goals and goals make you feel alive.
My goals are to lose 135 lbs, become a masters FIGURE/fitness/body building competitor and make a living as a fitness trainer
since I was a teenager I have followed fitness models, fitness competitors, it’s always been my passion, but I had depression & laziness kicked in with the depression.
Back in 2007 I had started training for bodybuilding and lost 50 lbs in 4-7 months. I got off track because I met my ex boyfriend (loser Matt) and moved. I gained back all that weight plus some. I got up to 313 lbs. I could never get back on track. This time I think I can take it all the way.
I use to excercise twice a day. I loved it. Tae Bo, cardio, Cindy Crawford workout dvd
but my depression would overwhelm me and I would spend years in bed & gaining weight. I’ve spent the past year sleeping. SLEEPING! literally
I need to get out of bed and this is very difficult for me, i am very comfortable in bed, but i can’t live this way anymore, i have goals
my body physically hurts right now, my back and shoulders hurt, my knees hurt, my ankles and heels hurt
I am inspired by Amanda Latona who is all over the fitness and bodybuilding magazines now. I met her before and talk to her on twitter. She was a singer and how I met her is she was the girlfriend of one of my favorite band members of the Backstreet boys AJ. I met her 10 years ago with him. She wasn’t in the fitness industry at that time, she was a singer. Since then she has become huge in the fitness world. She inspires me daily. I’ve been checking out Amanda’s BSN diet: http://www.bsnonline.net/diet/amanda_latona.html
I’m giving myself 12 months to lose 135 lbs and another 12 months after that to build the type of muscular physique that FIGURE competitors have.
I have other goals to go along with this. I also want to become a certified fitness trainer so I’m going to start studying for that. My college degree started out as Exercise and Wellness, they changed it to Wellness Foundations when I graduated, but I had to take about a dozen Exercise and Wellness classes. My point being that this is keeping in line with what I studied in college. Now I’m clear on how I want to use my degree. I want to use it in the exercise / fitness field.
My plans is to start eating clean and doing a hour of cardio (treadmill, eliptical) in the morning followed by a weight training class at my gym. In the evenings I will go to the gym in my apartment complex with my friend Angela and do a hour on the treadmill. So about 3 hours of exercising per day. I gotta do cardio for my heart but also to get my metabolism up. My metabolism is very slow. The reason I’m going to do the weight training class is because I need to build basic strength. I’m very weak. Eventually I will do the isolation weight training on my own but for now I think the classes will be helpful and a great start.
I need to transform my diet, stop eating ice cream and waffles. The thing is I really think it’s a bad idea to “cut bad foods” out of your diet completely. Especially for me cause then I start to crave them and then when I indulge in them I over eat. Then I feel guilty and when i feel guilty I eat more. It’s distracting. What I’m going to do is kinda a 90/10 eating plan. 90% of the time I will eat clean, but if I want a cookie or ice cream I will eat a little bit of it. I don’t want my cravings to sabotage my progress. And I don’t want to feel guilty if I eat a half cup of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food.
One thing I have to do is start cooking for myself. I don’t cook at all. My freezer is filled with microwave meals. My cabinets are filled with cereal. That’s all I eat. cereal and microwave meals and ice cream and toaster waffles oh and lots of cookies. 😦 So that’s got to change. That was the lazy me diet.
I need to get back to cooking things like chicken breasts and making fruit salad. To start this off last week I started making myself eggs in the morning for breakfast. i put pico de gallo on them. I went to trader joes this week and bought some pesto chicken breasts that I have to bake. I also bought some cous cous and egg whites.
The good thing is that since I don’t have a job, I can make working out/ body building and eating my job. I can focus on it 24/7 like fitness competitors do.