Struggling

I haven’t been updating because I am really struggling. I don’t like to be uninspiring but on the other hand I do think it’s important to document my struggles and maybe if someone is out there who can relate.
First of all I gained back 20 of the pounds I worked for 2 months to get off . It took only 2 weeks to gain them back.

Last night I was craving donuts but I was too lazy to drive and get one. Today when I left the house I drove straight over to dunkin donuts and ordered a half dozen donuts and a hot chocolate coolatta to wash them down. I only ate one immediately because I was on my way to meeting my boyfriend for lunch where I had a BBQ beef brisket sandwich and collard greens. Then I came home where I ate 2 more donuts with milk. Then 6 hours later I went to team trivia and they had ordered free food for us. So I had 2 slices of veggie pizza and a beef slider. Washed down with a peach surprise. I came home and ate another donut.

I haven’t eaten that bad in a long time. I’m so ashamed and more than that I’m fearful that I’m going to gain all 80 lbs that I lost back.

I already gave away most of my fatter clothes and bought a new wardrobe at this new size.

I think I eat my fears and loneliness and boredom. I was doing better when my finances were better. I had money to get out and do stuff. I don’t know why I am not motivated to exercise. I’m going to start walking everyday but the phoenix heat is deadly and I don’t like the gym. I’ve been looking for a job and I’m afraid ill never get hired again. I don’t see my boyfriend much so I’m alone and bored a lot.
I’ve let myself down.

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3 thoughts on “Struggling

  1. Natalie June 12, 2013 at 11:56 am Reply

    Keep going! never ever ever give up! You had a little bump in this road map. no big deal. do not shame yourself! It is what it is. you had some junk food treats. time to get back on the horse!! You are doing great!!

  2. Tim June 13, 2013 at 1:18 am Reply

    Dont give up Vicki. There will always be setbacks in life. The warrior gets back up and fights another day. Have faith in yourself!

  3. transformationpics June 13, 2013 at 2:22 pm Reply

    Hang in there!

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