I haven’t been updating because I am really struggling. I don’t like to be uninspiring but on the other hand I do think it’s important to document my struggles and maybe if someone is out there who can relate.
First of all I gained back 20 of the pounds I worked for 2 months to get off . It took only 2 weeks to gain them back.
Last night I was craving donuts but I was too lazy to drive and get one. Today when I left the house I drove straight over to dunkin donuts and ordered a half dozen donuts and a hot chocolate coolatta to wash them down. I only ate one immediately because I was on my way to meeting my boyfriend for lunch where I had a BBQ beef brisket sandwich and collard greens. Then I came home where I ate 2 more donuts with milk. Then 6 hours later I went to team trivia and they had ordered free food for us. So I had 2 slices of veggie pizza and a beef slider. Washed down with a peach surprise. I came home and ate another donut.
I haven’t eaten that bad in a long time. I’m so ashamed and more than that I’m fearful that I’m going to gain all 80 lbs that I lost back.
I already gave away most of my fatter clothes and bought a new wardrobe at this new size.
I think I eat my fears and loneliness and boredom. I was doing better when my finances were better. I had money to get out and do stuff. I don’t know why I am not motivated to exercise. I’m going to start walking everyday but the phoenix heat is deadly and I don’t like the gym. I’ve been looking for a job and I’m afraid ill never get hired again. I don’t see my boyfriend much so I’m alone and bored a lot.
I’ve let myself down.