I’ve had clinical depression over 20 years, I’m not sure how long I’ve had anxiety and I was diagnosed bi-polar in 2011. Thru the years I have developed a lot of habits and phobias to deal with my depression and anxiety.
As this website explains “Major clinical depression interferes with a person’s ability to cope with daily stresses and obligations, often rendering an individual unable to function effectively in their everyday life, including work and family activities.”
Depression and anxiety affects every tiny part of my life, in ways people would never even think of.
First of all, it’s a stretch for me to even get out of bed. Self care is the most difficult for me; taking showers, brushing hair and teeth, eating, washing clothes, its all hard. Some people don’t realize how hard daily life for some can be
Secondly, I have severe anxiety about being in the kitchen and also about cleaning dishes. I get overwhelmed so I try to avoid it at all costs. I believe that is what led me to a lifestyle of 0 cooking/ 0 meal prep. I eat all pre-packaged food, the only dishes I use is a fork and spoon and occasionally a plate or bowl but I try to use the same ones over and over so as not to accumulate a lot of dishes to be cleaned. I try to limit the amount of time I’m in the kitchen to less than 5 minutes per day.
Now this is all coming to a head.
My mom wants me to wash dishes more. My mom cooks and dirties a lot of dishes on a daily basis and she wants me to contribute to cleaning them. I think I should do it, my mom helps me in a lot of ways every day. I have wanted to help out in this way and I get horrible anxiety about it. I have actually stood over the kitchen sink with the dirty dishes and stood frozen, unable to move, trying to talk myself into cleaning the kitchen. I get so much anxiety I have to go sit down in my bedroom.
I called my sister about this last night cause I was having a panic attack over it. My sister said she actually had the same anxiety over being in the kitchen cooking and cleaning but she attributed hers to not wanting to subscribe to traditional female roles. She said maybe I was panicking because I had went out of my way to avoid making dirty dishes and yet in the end I have to clean dishes anyway. I think that is the major part of it.
My sister suggested I #1 – try to figure out why I have this anxiety and #2 when I need to clean the kitchen bring something to distract me. So I am going to try that, I am going to try to clean the kitchen once a week and bring my laptop and watch my Youtube vlogs at the same time. Hopefully that will help.
I’ve been working with my therapist on this other anxiety issue, which is overeating at night. I don’t know why I have anxiety at night, but it causes me to overeat terribly. Like TERRIBLY. I eat thousands of calories at night. I wake up in the middle of the night just to eat whatever junk I can find, even peanuts, crackers, dates, anything I can just pop in my mouth. It’s awful. We are working on that.
Depression and anxiety affects me in multiple other ways too, but this is just some of how it affects my diet.