I’ve come to the conclusion that physical exercise is a negative trigger for me.
I am afraid to exercise and I don’t fully know why.
I know it has to do with failure.
It also has to do with the fact that the last time i exercised regularly and consistently was in the middle of a very bad time mentally and emotionally. I remember I would stay in bed for days at a time, EXCEPT for getting up to go exercise, then I would come home and get back in bed and be depressed. The exercise did not help my depression. It did not make me feel better mentally. It was a tool I was using to lose weight. And I failed to reach my weight loss goal. I hated exercise when I got burnt out on it and did not reach my weight loss goals.
I felt like exercise had put me through a lot of physical stress and I hated it. Exercise had got my hopes up. Exercise lied to me. Exercise failed me.
When I exercise now, I get angry and resentful. Exercise pisses me off.
Anyway, now I have a bad relationship with exercise and I don’t want anything to do with exercise. I cut it out of my life like a bad friend.