About Vicki

Hi, I’m Vicki.

I’m a single Accountant on a journey to get to a smaller size and happier life.

I haven’t always been obese, but from 2001 – 2018, I put on about 130 lbs. primarily due to debilitating manic depression and bipolar disorder.

In the past I have been unable to stick to a diet/exercise program for longer than 6 months.

In the picture to the left I’m about 312 pounds. I want to weigh around 165 pounds.

People give advice and say “well you should try this diet or that pill, or that or keto diet, etc.”, well I’ve done a lot of research on morbid obesity. I’ve posted studies on this blog in the past, that show that obese people’s bodies actually fight weight loss so they gain more weight than they lose. Other studies show it’s actually dangerous to continuously gain and lose massive amounts of weight and if you have a history of that, it’s healthiest to stay obese until you get weight loss surgery. It’s not good on your heart to keep trying to lose weight, some studies show that behavior also induces diabetes. I only want to try something I can stick with for life.

I’ve tried the lemonade cleanse, Clean Eating, Juice Fasts, Atkins, South Beach Diet, Restricted Calories, Counting Macros, Nutrisystem, Intuitive Eating, various diet pills both prescribed and over the counter, working out to workout tapes, walking, hiring a personal trainer, bootcamp, Couch 2 5k, trained for a race. I’ve tried all kinds of things to lose weight but I never kept with it for life for various reasons including feeling deprived and unhappy. Every diet I’ve ever gone on has led to me gaining more weight.

I wanted weight loss surgery for years and have tried to fund it in several ways including a GoFundMe page, offering to do demeaning work for the funds, using various health insurance (never qualified). I wanted the gastric bypass and not the sleeve because the bypass restricts AND malabsorbs which I thought because of my morbid obesity, I needed both.

I moved to Texas in September of 2016 and for the first time ever I had access to regular therapy services which completely changed my mindset. In September of 2018 I decided to try losing weight one more time on my own with just diet and exercise. For the first year I didn’t do any exercise, I just reduced my calories. I lost 42 pounds. But then my weight stalled. So then in 2020 I decided to change some things in my eating routine and add a little exercise via walking. I lost 80 more pounds. In 2023 I am hoping to get to my goal weight of 165 pounds.

I’ve always been interested in Exercise and Wellness. I earned a Bachelors degree from Arizona State University in Interdisciplinary Studies: Spa Management and Wellness Foundations in 2011. Originally I wanted my degree to be in Exercise and Wellness but I let a counselor talk me into Spa Management (which is now extinct at ASU). 😦  My degree is basically a business management degree but I still had to take about 10 exercise and wellness theory classes to get my degree however.

After graduation, when I went to look for jobs at spas and fitness centers I felt very self conscious because of my obesity. I could not find a job in that industry at all, not even a entry level front desk position and I suspect it was because I was obese. I use to be interested in working in the fitness industry in some capacity but I’m not interested in that anymore.

I wish I could say losing this weight is all for health, but only some of it is. My knees and back  hurt and walking up stairs make me winded. Mostly I would like to look better in trendy fashions and have better dating options.

I’ve been following Bodybuilding & Pro Fitness since the 1990’s. My favorites back then were Lenda Murray, Sharon Bruneau, and Amy Fadhli. My current fave is Amanda Latona, I’ve met her before and I’ve been following her via social media for years. I’ve always been a fan and enthusiast of fitness competitors. I’ve had subscriptions to muscle and fitness magazines for years. I dreamt about being a FIGURE competitor for years but I never really tried to go for it. I now realize that those competitors are not the epitome of health either whether they are starving, depriving themselves or taking drugs and I don’t want to do that. So I have to adjust what an ideal figure is to me. I would still like to compete in a Masters Bikini BodyBuilding competition someday. Hopefully when I turn 50 years old I will be in shape to do that.

50 years old is actually a big year for me. I have a lot of goals I would like to achieve by then. I would like to have lost my excess weight, I would like to compete Women’s Bikini – Masters 45+ class. I would also like to have earned my Masters degree in Accounting and start my career. I would like to have friends and family around me that I enjoy.

So now this blog is my journey to happiness and healthiness and accepting and loving myself.

I’m on my way.

Wish me luck.