I’m a single graduate student on a journey to get to a smaller size and happier life.
I haven’t always been obese, but in the past 17 years I put on about 130 lbs. primarily due to debilitating manic depression and bipolar disorder. My experience has shown that I’m unable to stick to a diet/exercise program for longer than 6 months (without some kind of drastic intervention).
In the picture to the left I’m about 300 pounds I want to weigh around 140 pounds. It would take me 36 months to lose that amount of weight on my own without weight loss surgery.
People give advice and say “well you should try this, or that or ketogenic, etc.”, well I’ve done a lot of research on morbid obesity. I’ve posted studies that show that obese people’s bodies actually fight weight loss so they gain more than they lost. Other studies show it’s actually dangerous to continuously gain and lose massive amounts of weight and if you have a history of that it’s healthiest to stay obese until you get weight loss surgery. It’s not good on your heart to keep trying to lose weight, some studies show that behavior also induces diabetes. I only want to try something I can stick with for life, which at this point involves weight loss surgery and a change of mindset.
I’ve tried the lemonade cleanse, Clean Eating, Juice Fasts, Atkins, South Beach Diet, Restricted Calories, Counting Macros, Nutrisystem, Intuitive Eating, various diet pills both prescribed and over the counter, working out to workout tapes, walking, hiring a personal trainer, bootcamp, Couch 2 5k, trained for a race. I’ve tried all kinds of things to lose weight but I never kept with it for life for various reasons including feeling deprived and unhappy. Every diet I’ve ever gone on has led to me gaining weight.
I’ve wanted weight loss surgery for 20 years and have tried to fund it in several ways including a GoFundMe page, offering to work for the funds, using various health insurance (never qualified). I want the gastric bypass and not the sleeve because the bypass restricts AND malabsobs which I think because of my morbid obesity, I need both.
I’ve always been interested in Exercise and Wellness. I earned a Bachelors degree from Arizona State University in Interdisciplinary Studies: Spa Management and Wellness Foundations in 2011. Originally I wanted my degree to be in Exercise and Wellness but I let a counselor talk me into that other program which is now extinct. 😦 I still had to take about 10 exercise and wellness theory classes to get my degree however.
After graduation, when I went to look for jobs at spas and fitness centers I felt very self conscious because of my obesity. I use to be interested in working in the fitness industry in some capacity but I’m not really interested in that anymore.
I wish I could say it’s all for health, but only some of it is. My knees and back hurt and walking up stairs make me winded. Mostly I would like to look better in trendy fashions and have better dating options.
I realized that there is some dissonance between what I look like and what my career goals were. So I tried to align my body with my career goals. Hence this blog.
I’ve been following Bodybuilding & Pro Fitness since the 1990’s. My favorites were Lenda Murray, Sharon Bruneau, and Amy Fadhli. My current fave is Amanda Latona, I’ve been following her via social media for years. I’ve always been a fan and enthusiast of fitness competitors. I’ve had subscriptions to muscle and fitness magazines for years. I dreamt about being a FIGURE competitor for years but I never really tried to go for it. I now realize that those competitors are not the epitome of health either whether they are starving, depriving themselves or taking drugs and I don’t want to do that. So I have to adjust what an ideal figure is to me. I would still like to compete in a Masters Bikini BodyBuilding competition someday. Hopefully when I turn 50 years old I will be in shape to do that.
50 years old is actually a big year for me. I have a lot of goals I would like to achieve by then. I would like to have lost my excess weight, Would like to compete. I would also like to have earned my Masters degree in Accounting and have a decent paying job.
So now this blog is my journey to happiness and healthiness and accepting and loving myself.