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Valentines Day 2020

I didn’t do anything but surf the net and spent a teeny bit of time studying for my test tomorrow.

This is the first time in 8 years that I didn’t have a Valentine.

No one said Happy Valentines Day to me today.

I’m so lonely.

Today my lifestyle change feels like a diet

I feel like I’ve been dieting forever

I feel like I can’t make ANY mistakes or my body will not lose weight

I lost a pound

I am on track today even on my period

but it just doesn’t seem fair

I only got to this weight cause I didn’t eat anything I really wanted to

well yesterday I had 6 chocolate covered strawberries

Tuesday I tried to eat red velvet cake at TGI Fridays. It was given to me for free. It didn’t taste good so I just ate a few bites.

I’m starting to lose my taste for sugar. That’s good. I guess. I haven’t lost my cravings for sugar though, it just tastes different when I eat it now.

I’m listening to Justin Biebers new album “Changes”. It’s ok. Not really my thing.

You know who has a good album? The Jonas Brothers. I love their new album and the videos to go with the singles are so cute and features all their wives.

Hopefully this month I will get below 260 pounds.


Another No-Buy violation

I spent money today. $21

I suck at this No-Buy.

I’m doing good on Not eating Sugar and Not drinking liquor.

But I suck at my No-Buy.

Psychologically I would say that I have transferred my unhealthy over eating habits into an over shopping habit.

I’m not going to give up though.

I’m going to try to have at least 1 perfect No Buy month this year.

Anyway, what did I buy?

I bought 4 products from Bath N Bodyworks in the scent “One In A Million”.

I’m not supposed to buy ANYTHING from Bath N Bodyworks at all.

I have too much stuff from Bath n Bodyworks.

I was triggered cause I went into the store to get my free hand cream that I had a coupon for. But I saw a sign that said any Fine Fragrance Mist was $5. Then I saw a sign that said Buy 2 get 1 Free. I’ve been wanting that scent for awhile but I wouldn’t let myself buy it. But this was my opportunity. So I bought a shower gel, a fine fragrance mist, a lotion and a body cream. There was another coupon for $10 off a $30 purchase. So with all these deals my total was only $21

I was able to buy that with my budget though. I have a $10 budget for Fun Money and a $10 budget for toiletries. So I used that money to buy this stuff. I don’t know if that makes it better. Maybe.


My mom came to the mall to go take advantage of the sales at Bath and Bodyworks and she bought me 2 candles.

She also took me and my sister to dinner afterwards and bought me dinner.

I think my mom is a baller.

Just kidding.

My mom is a literal saint.

Anyway so February No-Buy goals, FAILED!!

Oh also, by the way;

My pants are too big for me again. 2 people told me my jeans I had on today were too big. This is not a good thing when you work in a clothing store and supposed to look good and aspirational. I told my boss that I wasn’t buying any new clothes though. And she told me to just put on a belt. So that’s what I’m going to do. If my clothes end up way too big, I will just have to deal. I’m not buying clothes this year.

Oh also by the way Part 2;

We are going to a BTS concert in May and I WILL be buying myself an outfit for the concert. I’m going to wait till closer to the date cause I don’t know what size I will be then. But I want to look like a rock star. I want to wear leather pants and a sequin top. Maybe even some heels, not sure.

I also will be having a slice a cake on my birthday which is May 5. I also “might” have a drink at the concert. Not sure. Maybe.

No -Buy Month 2

Yea so I totally broke my No-Buy today.

I went to the mall to go for a walk while waiting for my second class of the day. There is a 6 hour break in between my classes and its too far to just drive home.

First I went to Sephora and I tried on everything in the store and I was really looking for a good vitamin c serum, but they all cost over $65

However near the checkout there was this little bin of miniature kits of different skin care sets. They had a Sunday Riley one that included a miniature vitamin c serum and SUNDAY RILEY Luna Retinol Sleeping Night Oil. I’ve been wanting to try out Sunday Riley so bad (that and Drunk Elephant) and I couldn’t pass up the chance to get this for $30. The regular size Sunday Riley Vitamin C costs $85 and the regular size Luna oil costs $105 so trust me this was a good deal. The salesperson at Sephora said the miniatures should last 2 weeks and that Sunday Riley is highly effective so I should see a big difference within a week. My only issue is if I fall in love with it, how can I afford it? I’ve heard great things about the Luna sleeping oil. Anyway skin care is on my No-Buy list of things I can’t spend on. So yes that was a clear violation.

OK so after that I walked past this hair salon called Visible Changes and it reminded me that I wanted a hair cut. Then I remembered I also wanted my hair colored cause the last time I did it myself I got pink hair dye all over the bathroom. I can’t do that again. So I had a consultation with the master colorist and she said it would take about 2 hours and cost about $150. It was more than I wanted to spend but I decided to go for it anyway. Plus I wanted a hair cut so that was scheduled with one of the people who cut hair for after my color was done.


So she bleached my hair first and this is what it looked like:

I have never seen my hair so yellow. LOL.

She said I had a lot of patches where I had missed coloring in my previous at h


ome dye job.

So this is how my hair looked with the pink color in before it was rinsed ou

t. I think this is the brightest color pink I’ve ever seen.

So I wanted to get a conditioning treatment because all that bleach can’t be good for my hair. She suggested a keratin treatment so that’s what I got. It was $30 extra. Now I don’t know about that treatment, I don’t know if it was really worth the $30. I don’t feel a difference in my hair moisturization.


So after all that which did indeed take about 2 hours and 15 minutes. I went to the hair cut chair. I just wanted a basic trim cause my hair hasn’t been trimmed in 3 years. So this is what it looked like all trimmed: Sorry I look so mean I was actually extremely happy in this pic. LOL

IMG_2262So after that the hair cutter put my hair in a ponytail like I requested and I loved the look so much. I also bought the shampoo they recommended, apparently it prevents the hair color from fading too quickly and keeps my hair hydrated. I will return in maybe 4 months. I can’t afford to get it done every 2 months, but maybe every 4-6 months I can.


By the way my total came to $279:

Hair color -$150

Keratin treatment – $30

hair cut – $35

hydrating shampoo – $22


This is the most I’ve ever spent on my hair but I am so happy with the finished look that I think it was worth it (except the keratin, lol). Next time it should only be $180 cause I’ll only do the color and the tip. I would love to find someone who charges about half that amount so I can get it done more often. I might look around, see what I can find.

IMG_2263My hair matches my curtains and bedding. Hot pink is my favorite color, obviously. Anyway getting my hair done was not a violation of my No-Buy because I am allowed to pay for personal care and grooming. Maybe I didn’t have to spend quite this much, but I wanted to see what it would look like done right.

So then I went to class, and then I drove home and just a few minutes ago I purchased a student membership to the National Association for Black Accountants. I need to start networking and they have job opportunities and educational resources. That was $35

I’m kinda tired now. Think I’ll go to bed

January Diet Recap

Last night after I ordered that pizza and after it was delivered, Dominos gave me ANOTHER free 60 points for a free pizza.

Argh, my addiction is being supplied for free.

I drank some diet tea before I ordered that pizza and I was on the toilet all night.


Early this morning I sleep walked to my car and got the bag with the packs of nutty trail mix that I keep for a quick snack at school and I ate 8 bags of it while I slept. 1200 calories. Can’t buy that no more. I can’t buy stuff I over eat on.

I was on the way to work today and when I arrived at the mall, my sister called and said my mom was in a car wreck. So I didn’t go to work, I took my mom to the hospital. We were there for 4 hours. She’s ok but her brand new luxury SUV was totaled.

I ate a granola bar and Monster energy drink at the hospital. At the hospital I also walked the halls repetitively to get more steps in. I did like 5,000 steps but it wasn’t enough to make a blip on my caloric intake.

After we left the hospital we went to grub burger to eat where I had a blue cheese beyond meat burger and brussel sprouts. 1,000 calories.

This was a really bad week diet wise. I made poor choices dietary wise the whole week. I gained 2 pounds.

For the month I think I lost 3 pounds. My goal is to lose 4 pounds a month. So I’m not happy with my results. I gotta stop sabotaging myself.

I ate decently half of the month and the other half of the month I just didn’t make great choices.

I found out today that my mom has Type 2 diabetes. They say she got it from drastic weight fluctuations. She doesn’t eat a lot of sugar or anything like that. But she goes on these diets and loses and gains like 20 pounds and apparently that can cause diabetes. This article has more information about that.

She was told if she loses weight permanently she can get rid of the diabetes. She’s not taking insulin or anything just Metformin.

That really scares me. I don’t want to get diabetes. I’m not doing weight fluctuations. I have changed my eating habits for good, but there are still some things I need to work on. Like binge eating on snack food. Eating pizza and cheesy bread. Really those are the only 2 issues I am having. I need to exercise more regularly. I’m trying to lose weight permanently and not have weight fluctuations.


Pizza Problem

More like a Dominos problem

I’ve been eating ALOT of pizza and/or cheesy bread from Dominos

They gave me a extra 60 points and I already had 60 points.

That qualified me for 2 free pizzas.

I ordered the first free one and added cheesy bread to the order on Jan 27. I ordered my second one just now, this time without the cheesy bread.

This is where the majority of my overeating has come from this month (except for those nuts yesterday). I’ve just been craving this stuff, I don’t know if it’s cause I’m not eating cake and cupcakes and I crave the carbs or if it’s the cheese. My intuition is telling me its the cheese. My relationship with cheese is almost all consuming.

I need to not eat pizza in February.

This is going to make my weight loss this month super low although I should have lost the 4 pounds that were my goal.

It’s hard stopping so many things you love as far as food is concerned.

I don’t have a budget for pizza/cheesy bread/bread twists. Buying that stuff in January actually made me go over my restaurant budget by $25 this month. I can’t make that a habit like I did this month.

It’s just hard trying to be good at so many things at once.

  1. Staying on budget
  2. eating within my goal of calories each day
  3. losing 1 pound each week
  4. walking for health and weight loss
  5. sticking to my No-Buy (which I broke a little today, I spent $5 on a pair of panties cause Lane Bryant offered me 1/2 off any regular price item for picking up my bras in store. The panties were the cheapest thing in the store. I also spent $5 on some hair moisturizer cause I’m running out of mine)
  6. studying, reading my text book, doing my homework
  7. not eating sugar
  8. not drinking alcohol

It’s just not easy, I feel like something has to give sometimes.

Everything is good

My life is going incredibly well


    • I hope I dont fuck it up


    • I am happy with school


    • I am happy with where I live


    • I am happy with my job


    • I am happy with my diet


    • I am happy with my wardrobe


    • My car is pretty good


    • My bills are pretty low, except for my credit card debt. It’s great to only have to pay $350 a month for rent. It’s incredibly freeing and stress reducing.

Areas that could use some improvement:


    • I could use more close personal friends, I go to dinner once a week with a group of girls but I dont have any of their phone numbers , we do not chat outside of dinner. I have a close friend in Arizona but it would be nice to have someone who lived near me that I could talk to about personal things and do shit with.


    • I could use SOME sex, lol, any sex would be great right now. No I don’t want ANY sex. I want good sex with someone I love. I’m holding out for that. I also need a new bed before I can invite anyone over.


    • I wish I had less debt, but I’m working on that.


    • I wish I could afford to get my hair done, but eventually if everything works out I should be able to do that again someday.

It’s taken me a very very long time to get to the place where I am happy and satisfied with my life. I never thought I would get to this place. I was depressed and suicidal for so long, I really thought I would have killed myself by now. But here I am feeling jolly. It makes me so proud of myself.

My longest walk

Today I walked 10 miles, 23,666 steps, added 1600 calories to my total for the day

I walked from my house to the mall, then I decided to walk to my mom’s house, that was 16,000 steps and then me and my mom walked to Lane Bryant so I added another 7,000 steps

The reason I walked so much is cause this morning on my way to class I ate 1,000 calories worth of nuts. I was really sleepy and for some reason I could not stop eating my snacks that I save for when I have a late class. I ate like 7 packs of snacks. My snacks are this blend of dried fruit and nuts that come individually wrapped in 150 cal packs.

I kept falling asleep in class.

I am behind on my reading for my classes. I need to catch up.


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