Birthday Pictures

My birthday was last Sunday, I turned 51 years old

My family took me to an Italian dinner and bought me a birthday gift, the only gift I asked for actually, which was a $300 bottle of Blanche Bete perfume.

This perfume is so unique and I am obsessed with it. It’s a lactonic fragrance. I went to Sephora and their perfume expert had never even heard of a lactonic fragrance. Its the dry down that is stunning. The sillage is great but can come off as subtle but it’s not really subtle.

I’ve started a tradition of asking for perfumes that I am obsessed with for my birthday. In the past my family bought me, Tom Ford’s Vanilla Fatale, and Byredo Bal d’Afrique. I bought myself the House of Sillage Emerald Reign, and the MFK Grand Soir. All of those are over $200 but I also have some cheaper perfumes that I bought thru recommendations from fragrance youtuber’s that I watch. My favorite of the cheaper ones is Shaghaf Oud. It was recommended by KeikoBeauty on Youtube. I bought it on Amazon for like $50, it’s awesome and smells like caramel and oud. I’ve been stopped in CVS pharmacy for the combo perfume I wear which is “Oud for Glory” mixed with “Yara“. It’s an intoxicating combination. I tend to love unique scents that you typically need to buy from a high end department store like Nordstrom or directly from the fragrance house if you want a legitimate bottle.

There are very popular perfume’s that I do not like, for example MFK’s Baccarat Rouge 540, smells like bandaids to me. Don’t like it. I also do not like any of the DIOR or Chanel perfumes that you can buy in Sephora/Ulta. Miss Dior smells horrible Chanel Mademoiselle is horrid.

The next perfume I want is Tom Ford Soleil Blanc and Soleil Neige. I also want PASSION DE L’AMOUR from House of Sillage.

Here are pictures from my birthday:

Exaggerated ‘love’ Alphabet Short Necklace 

Sequin Bodycon Dress

These Gold Ballet flats are not available but here are similar ones

Crescent Clip Box Evening Clutch Acrylic 

Fashion Blogging

I’ve been going thru this book True Purpose with my family. It’s supposed to help you find your true purpose.

I may not know my true purpose yet but I know my true passion

It is fashion Influencing, and for now specifically PLUS SIZE fashion influencing.

I have grown tired of waiting till I lose weight to start fashion influencing. I decided to start now with the body I currently have.

I’ve decided to pursue fashion influencing as much as I can

I have started back delivery driving so I do have some foreseeable income. The problem is I don’t have much disposable income, so I’ve decided to start fashion influencing with fast fashion, and specifically Shein.

I choose Shein because everything is super cheap, I am accustomed to the website and the sizes, they have sizes that actually fit my size 4X/5X body, I can pay with Klarna which splits my bill over 2 months. It has to be paid every 2 weeks and there is no interest or fees charged. For example today I bought 6 tops, 3 pieces of jewelry and a pair of sunglasses for $33, but I only had to pay $8.25 today and then in 2 weeks I pay another $8.25 until my bill is paid off.

I don’t think how much you pay for an item is as important as how you wear it.

I need better foundation garments and shape wear but the ones that actually work cost more money than I can spend.

Anyway, I will be posting fashion content on this blog now, starting with this post and this outfit. (There are links to all the outfits under the pictures):

This rhinestone blue head band is from Amazon –

Spaghetti Strap Twisted Hollow Out Dress

Geometric Abstract Snake Shaped Bracelet

Square Toe Ankle Strap High Heeled Sandals 

Knot Front Dress
These shoes are no longer available but you can get similar from Shein

Asymmetrical Bag With Twist Knot 

Gemstone Wide Headband

Top And Bodycon Skirt
This specific Top-Handle Bag is no longer available but this one is similar

The headband is old and no longer available and The orange shoes are also no longer available

Hollow Out Crop Top And Strapless Dress Set These shoes are from Torrid and no longer available

Worst Case Scenario

I am in a book club with my family and we are working through a book called : True Purpose by Tim Kelley

Assignment this week:

Fear of finding and living your purpose

Write down any fears or reservations about finding and living your purpose

If you lived your purpose from this moment forward what could possibly go wrong

1. I won’t have the money to sustain a pleasant, comfortable life,
2. if I don’t have the money I can become homeless, 
3. I can’t think of anyone I would be able to live with if I was homeless, 
4. The worst case scenario is I would be living out of my car and unable to shower, unable to sleep in my car, like literal sleep, my car is uncomfortable, and I need an actual bed at my age and size, 
5. If I am homeless, I won’t have a place to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I will start peeing on myself or start peeing in water bottles.
6. I would descend into madness and become psychotic,
7.  I definitely would start using drugs, I already know what drugs I would start with, It would end with me having a heroin over dose on purpose
8. I would die.

I would not pursue my purpose if the worst-case scenario is an option

Constraint: I must be able to pay my rent and car note and sustain a pleasant comfortable life to pursue my purpose

I would say yes to my purpose if this constraint were met

Fears of living my purpose if I am making enough money to sustain a comfortable life

I won’t be successful: I won’t ever make enough money to purchase luxury fashion and be invited to fashion shows.  Thus, I won’t have enough followers to make lots of brands interested in working with me which means I won’t actually be a influencer I would just be a content creator

But I am fine with that, I will just keep whatever job I have that is making me money and continue to post fashion content from fast fashion companies. 

There is really no worst-case scenario if I am making enough money to sustain a pleasant comfortable life.

Speaking of sex work

I get the least amount of sex of any “sex worker” I have ever heard of. The last time I had sex was in January with “Married Bae”. He’s been the only person for over a year now.

I’ve been propositioned but I’m not really willing to have sex with anyone else any more. It would need to be a extreme scenario for that to happen.

I got my STD results back that I took on Monday, I try to do this once a year even though I am in a somewhat monogamous relationship, but only on my part:

This blog is not a cover up for sex work

I got suspended from a message board for posting a link to my blog. This is my response to a poster that said my blog is a cover up for sex work.

There is no coverup, and really you should check your prejudice towards sex workers. Sex workers are REAL people who have diverse multi dimensional lives. Not everything we do is about sex work. We have a code of ETHICS and MORALITY just like everyone else in society. Just because I have ONE post on my blog about sex work, out of THOUSANDS of posts on there, doesn’t mean it is a cover-up for anything. I’ve been posting on the blog for over a decade EVEN when I was NOT active in sex work.

YOU are actually defaming my character by saying it is a cover-up.

I find that OFFENSIVE because YOU are boiling my entire existence down to sex work and I am much more than that. Sex work is a very tiny part of who I am.

My birthday is Sunday

My 51st birthday is Sunday, There been alot that’s occurred over the past year for me.

I have bipolar disorder and suicidal ideation, so it is difficult for me to stay at a job I am unhappy at for a long time.

In January of last year (2023) I quit my job for no good reason except I was annoyed with my co worker because the way he was speaking to me was degrading. My personality type is avoidant and I am not good at confrontations. I regret that, but I became a full time delivery driver, then I got burnt out on that and moved to Atlanta in June 2023. I hated Atlanta and moved back to College Station Texas in December 2023, where my family is.

In August 2023 I started a job that I hated, I was able to last there until March of 2024. Somehow I have been surviving since then with the help of friends and family.

Most people don’t understand bipolar disorder. They don’t understand that extreme changes in mood can make you behave erratically. I am on bipolar medication, but it only helps so much. I have seen an improvement on it, but it doesn’t solve everything.

I am carefree because I manifest that I will have all that I need and want in life. I think positively because I have a history of serious suicide attempts especially when my life gets unstable. I am focusing on the good things that will happen in my future and try not to be bogged down in the thought that I could be homeless next month.

I have food instability right now, I don’t always know where my next meal will come from, but I know the universe will make a way for me.

This past month I started working on more passion projects such as Fashion blogging on Instagram and a New Kids On The Block fan experience that I am hosting.

I feel pretty good about life, I just need an income. Accounting would be my normal day job and so I have been going on job interviews this week. I do not have a paying job right now.

My birthday is this Sunday, May 5, Cinco De Mayo, if you want to get me a gift, check out my Amazon Wishlist at https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/2120RUETYESS9

Amanda Seales

I am obsessed with Amanda Seales. I think she is a valuable voice for black women and I think she will change the world. I’ve been defending her all over the internet the past 2 days. I was so excited that she responded to my comment on her instagram

I am trying to get Texas A&M University to bring her here for an interview conducted by my mom who is a prolific professor there. My mom interviewed Angela Davis recently. My mom is brilliant, I think she is the perfect person to interview someone brilliant like Amanda Seales.

Being a Blockhead

I am probably one of the most devoted Blockheads. If you didn’t know, a Blockhead is a person who is a fan of the boyband New Kids On The Block (NKOTB). My first concert was in 1990, I went backstage and that is where I met their manager Maurice Starr and got to hang out with the group for the first time.

In 1998 I created and hosted the New Kids On The Block fan convention in Boston, MA to celebrate their 10 year anniversary. At the time I was a student living on campus at the University of New Orleans in Louisiana. I had just discovered the internet and HTML and I wanted to reach out to and meet other Blockheads so on a whim I created this fan convention and made a website for it. I charged just $100 back then and all I knew is I wanted to go to Boston cause thats where the New Kids are from and I wanted to meet fans. All I had was a on campus PO box to receive the letters and money from fans who wanted to attend.

I couldn’t believe it when cash actually started coming in the mail. Once I had $1000, I rented a van and drove to Boston with my sister as my assistant. We stayed at the hostel and We drove around looking for activities and locations to take the fans. We couldn’t go to a NKOTB concert because they were on a break, however there was a radio station concert that we went to and the backstreet boys were performing there. Everywhere we went I put up signs for the fan convention and I even did a interview with a local newspaper there in Boston. We met so many people who live in Boston and knew NKOTB. I was like a tour guide for the fans. The main event was going to each NKOTB member’s real house and the house they grew up in. Nowadays this would be called stalking. Back then we were foolish and fanatics. We also went to locations in Dorchester where the New Kids hung out as teenagers and we went to Lansdowne street cause we heard Jordan and Joe hung out at the clubs there. One day we went and Jordan was at Axis. That was crazy. But the real crazy thing that happened is we ALL met the Backstreet Boys. They were just starting to make it big in the USA and I went up and asked if my friends could take pictures with them. That was such a big hit with the girls and totally worth the whole trip.

This is a picture I took of my sister with Kevin of the Backstreet Boys. I didn’t take any pictures personally with them. I was taking everyone else’s picture for them.

The best thing was becoming really good friends with a few of the girls.

A few months later I moved to Boston because I was obsessed with NKOTB. I also fell in love with the city. In fact Boston is my favorite city outside of Manhattan.

Anyhoo, I am creating another NKOTB fan convention. It would be different this time because now there are Airbnb’s we can stay in together and the New Kids are back together so we can go to one of their concerts together. It would be so much fun.

https://2024newkidsontheblockexperienc.godaddysites.com

Focused

Today I woke up in a good mood. I decided to make a plan for myself that will keep me focused on a better future for myself.

I watched a few youtube videos on Accounting and CPA exam tips. This was soooo helpful for me, there is a-lot that I forgot even though I just graduated 2 years ago with my Masters degree in Accounting.

So now I am uber focused.

I am focused on getting my CPA license and doing better in my accounting job interviews.

The first step for me is setting up study time and a study schedule.

I need to wake at 8am every morning, which means I have to be asleep by 10pm every night.

For 8 hours a day I want to watch Accounting channels. Like this whole channel. I subscribed to 4 accounting channels today and they each have dozens of videos. I want to watch ALL of the videos which might take me 2 weeks but it will be so helpful in job interviews where they ask alot of accounting questions. This is primarily to refresh my memory.

Once I’m done with that I want to watch the CPA review videos that are available on Youtube. The CPA exam is really difficult, on par with the Bar exam. There are 4 sections to the CPA exam and each section takes 4 hours to complete. The videos I watched, recommended that you study 4-6 weeks for each part of the exam, so that is 6 months of studying and taking exams. They recommend you take the hardest part first. One video I watched said the Auditing section is the hardest. If you did not pass a section of the CPA Exam, you have to wait until the next testing window to retake that section. There are four testing windows each year. There are no limits to how many times you can take the exam but it does cost money to take each exam.

The other recommendation is to buy the Becker CPA Review course. Their price ranges from $2500 – $6000

I’m just going to focus on the things I have control over and stay positive in believing the universe will provide me with what I need to make this happen.

Wants

I’ve been feeling a little lost this week because there is so much that I want to do but I just feel like I will never have the money to do it. I am tired of living month to month. I don’t want to worry about how I’m going to pay my bills.

I want to get my CPA license so that I can get a good paying job. I need 4 full months off from work to study for that and take the tests. That’s just the way my brain works, I need to be immersed in my studies, I can’t have anything else going on. I also need to find a really good course that helps me with a guided study plan. Coursera and Youtube doesn’t really have what I need. I need something interactive or even an actual live course or a tutor. This would be about $3,000 if I used https://www.gleim.com/cpa-review/courses/.

I want to pay my rent/utilities, car note, and car insurance off for 6 months. So I just can relax and take care of myself, my body, my spirit. Paying my rent/utilities for 6 months would be $4000, My car note for 6 months would be $3000.

I want to go back to therapy. I owe my therapist over $1,000 because she’s not billing my insurance correctly. So I’ve had to stop going to therapy and that really has me in a dark place mentally and emotionally.

I hate the way my body looks. I need to lose 100 pounds. I need to spend 6 months walking 3 hours a day. But also I need to not be obsessed with food all the time. Ozempic is good for getting food off of your brain. I know some people that go to Brazil to purchase Ozempic because it’s just $250 a box there. I want to go to Brazil and stock up on a years worth of Ozempic. That would be $3,000.

I want to go to Europe with my family in May. The flight is like $1250, plus expedited passport is $250. Plus flying from country to country in Europe is about $500. All my other expenses would be covered already. So I need $2000 to go to Europe.

I want to get a wig that would last a year and get it installed – $650

I want to get on debt repayment plan or file for bankruptcy. That’s about $500 a month. I really want to get rid of my debt and start building my credit score. The reason I didn’t file for bankruptcy before is besides the fact I couldn’t afford the $2,000 the lawyer charged, they wanted me to do all the work as far as researching my debtors and stuff. I didn’t understand why I should pay some one to file if I have to do all the work. I can figure out how to file for myself if I have to do all that.

I want to get braces and bleaching for my teeth which is like $3,000.

I want to get a tummy tuck, ab-etching and liposuction which is about $5,000 as well in Columbia. I have a friend who did that, it looks so good. She’s way smaller than me though. But I look at Gina Jyneen and she got her stomach done, I think she got a tummy tuck and lips, she’s a big girl and she looks great. https://www.youtube.com/@GinaJyneen

I want to get a breast lift, so that I can wear the kind of clothes I like without needing a bra – $7000

I think even just $15,000 would be a life changing amount of money for me. That’s really nothing to most people I know, but for me it would transform my existence.