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I’ve been drinking Soylent Stacked for a couple of months, its basically protein coffee. But it’s vegan and only comes in one flavor, mocha, and it has 180 calories. I subscribe to Soylent so they send me refills every 15 days.

So when I saw this link https://www.talkable.com/x/wGl8Fx for Super Coffee with 10 g of protein and only 70 calories, I rushed an ordered a variety pack.

Problem is I didn’t read the ingredients first. It has whey in it, so it’s not vegan. I do currently drink protein water with whey in it because I haven’t found an alternative.

I don’t know how I feel about this, I try to limit anything that comes from animals, like whey.

Gained 1 pound

Today is weigh in day and I weigh 211.4

I think it’s because my period is due today

I’ve been eating below 1400 calories ever since Wednesday

What I’m eating today:

Breakfast: oatmeal (140 cal), plant based drink, cold brew coffee (180 cal) NinXia Red (25 cal), splash mandarin orange water (5 cal)

Lunch:  liquid fiber (10 cal), protein water (70 cal), Enchiladas Al Chipotle (440 cal), splash water (5 cal), sparkling water (10 cal)

Dinner: Chick’n Fajita (250 cal), splash water (5 cal), Goli ACV gummies (30 cal), sparkling water (10 cal)

Snack: splash water (5 cal), 3 Goli (45 cal), Omega 3 (20 cal), Garden Salad (50 cal), Honey Dijon dressing (100 cal), 2 jello cups (10 cal)

Total calories: 1,410

Macros/Nutrients:

Protein: 72 g, Carbs: 209 g, Fiber: 30 g, Sugar: 64 g, Fat: 33 g, Sodium: 2,350 mg

What I ate today

Breakfast: Ningxia Red (25 cal), Instant Oatmeal (210 cal), Vega Plant Based Nutrition Shake (170 cal)

Lunch: Protein infused water + energy (70 cal) Alive Liquid Fiber with Prebiotics (10 cal), sparkling water (10 cal), Green Godess Falafel (380 cal)

Dinner: ACV tummies (30 cal), sparkling water (10 cal), Chick’n Fajita (250 cal)

Snacks: splash water (10 cal), Omega 3 (20 cal), garden salad (50 cal), Honey Dijon dressing (100 cal), 3 ACV gummies (45 cal)

Total calories: 1,395

Macros/Nutrients:

Protein: 73 g, Carbs: 217 g, Fiber: 34 g, Sugar: 70 g, Fat: 31 g, Sodium: 2030 mg

My sodium is low but my sugar is high

Therapy Today

So today in therapy we focused on my overshopping, which is what I primarily feel is to the point where it can be life destroying.

So we discussed my motivations for shopping. There are different reasons but a big one is just that I am the primary target of marketing ploys. I fall for them all. Anytime there is a sale or something looks like a good deal, I feel an urgency to buy it.

Yesterday I bought 2 body butta’s from a black owned company called Beauty Beats. My total came to like $34 when you include tax and shipping. I have heard about this body butter for a couple months from one of my favorite YouTuber’s. I didn’t buy it before because it’s $18.50 each plus about $8 shipping. I couldn’t justify that price. But yesterday they had a 30% off sale which brought the body butters down to about $12.50 each. So my train of thought was “I’ve wanted this awhile and they finally have a sale. Buy it!!”

Also yesterday I bought some candles and about four $2 body creme samples from my favorite black owned candle and body care company called SheaMakery. I tried their candles during quarantine and I loved them but they have been out of stock of the $5 candle samples for over a month. They are finally restocked so I felt an urgency to buy, even though shipping was exorbitant at $8.95.

So a sense of urgency is definitely a factor in my shopping as well as sales.

So in talking to my therapist today, I was able to talk through the problem with my current shopping. The thing is when I purchased all that stuff from April – July , I had the cash to cover my overspending. Now I DON’T have the cash to cover it but my shopping has only slowed down a little bit. So all this extra spending is going on credit. What does credit have? Interest. So basically I am probably not getting a discount on these items when you factor in the interest on these credit cards I am putting it on.

So my therapist came up with a plan, where if there is a sale and I am feeling the urgency to purchase. Before I purchase it, calculate how much the discount is on the sale and then calculate how much interest I would have to pay on top of the sale price. It might not be worth it.

Most of my credit cards have 24% Annual interest.

I am planning to pay off all my September purchases that I put on my credit cards next month, but the only way I am able to do that is because I will be putting all my October purchases on that credit card including groceries. Also the only way I am able to do that is I paid my rent off until December when I got my financial aid. So in October I won’t pay rent and utilities. But I always want to stay a month ahead so I will pay rent/utilities in November.

Right now I am $466 over budget for September. That’s better than August, I was $2100 over budget in August. I am hoping to pick up more shifts and reduce that overage. Today I went in to work a couple hours early to get more money coming in.

I have budgeted for the rest of the year and I am over budget every month for the rest of this year.

I need to bring in more money.

Dating Sites

I deleted all my dating profiles until I complete my personal development and self improvement journey.

The dating sites were not helping me get dates. I’ve been on these dating sites for over 10 years. I was on match.com for almost 20 years and I don’t think I’ve ever met one man from there.

Obviously the way I present myself whether physically or mentally and emotionally is not attractive to high value, high quality men.

I did get some responses, jut not from men I am attracted to physically or financially or they didn’t have the education level I look for in a man.

I’ve been single my whole life.

Something within myself is preventing me from being attractive to the type of men I am attracted to.

I want to pull back from all the dating sites until I am ready to present myself as the woman I am satisfied and content with physically, mentally, emotionally, financially.

Here is my manifestation: within 3-4 years I will attract an older financially stable, kind, attractive man to marry of both high quality and high value. Someone I can be comfortable with. Someone I can trust, someone I can have inspirational conversations with and someone with free time and money to travel the world with me.

Looking Younger

This guy contacted me who I haven’t seen or talked to in years. I sent him this picture of me that I took yesterday and he said I look 27 years old.

Some times I wonder if I dress too young for my age.

Increasing My Value

I’ve been watching this man Kevin Samuels on Youtube. I told my therapist about him and she cautioned me against watching someone who was so negative about women in my situation. I told her he actually motivates me to increase my value and improve my situation.

What is my situation?

1. I am 47 years old
2. I am obese
3. I have bipolar disorder.
4. I rent a room in a condo with 3 other roommates. This works for me currently especially since the rent is only $350 a month. I also don’t want to live alone. All of my roommates are men.
5. I don’t have children. I do not want children either. I thank God (who I don’t believe in) every day that I never had children.
6. I do not clean.
7. I do not cook. I eat microwave meals as you guys know. That’s how I lost 100 pounds.
8. I work a minimum wage job in retail, which I love my job a lot but it’s not a career.
9. I am not married and have never been married. I have never lived with a man. I have no real romantic relationship experience. The longest I dated a guy was 10 years and he was married. I was his mistress. He is an older white man. He is high value, he is a aerospace engineer and he currently works in real estate. He is the only guy I’ve had sex with since 2015. The last time I had sex with him was December 2018 and I haven’t since then because he lives in Arizona. Before him I dated a guy who was 10 years younger than me and mentally ill, which I didn’t realize, but anyway, he was the worst guy I ever dated. I dated him for a year. Before him I didn’t really date anyone regularly and no one long enough to call a relationship. I mostly had extended booty call situations.
10. My network is non existence. I have no friends in Texas, where I live. I attend a weekly women’s dinner but I have not made friends with any of the people there outside of our weekly dinner. My only other friends live in other cities, like Detroit, Atlanta and Phoenix. 

The problem with all of this is that I want to be married. I want a high value and high quality older white man. I prefer to date someone between 55 – 63 years old. I want to attend social functions like galas and museum openings, nice dinner parties with my husband. I want to travel the world on vacations with my husband. I want a companion I can talk to and be intimate with in more ways than one.

Kevin defines a high value man as a man who:

1. Earns a minimum of $10,000 a month and has earned it for the last 5 years.
2. Have a career that is visible and legal.
3. Be vouched for by other high value men.
4. Have a personal and professional group or network. You can’t be a lone wolf.
5. Utility. Be Useful to the group.

What am I doing to improve my situation so that I can attract a high value man?

1. I can’t do anything about my age. I just have to accept and recognize that my age will reduce my options.
2. I am losing 6-7 pounds a month and have done so every month of this year. I have lost 100 pounds in the past 2 years. My goal is to weigh 145 pounds. I want to compete in a Masters level fitness bikini competition specifically the Kuclo Classic.
3. I take medication and I have been in therapy ever since I moved to Texas. The changes therapy has made in my life is incredible. I could never have maintained my weight loss journey for two years without therapy. I have not had a episode in 2 years.
4. I hope to move into a house, with my future husband, that we both own.
5. I don’t mind being a step mother to older children. I have no desire to raise someone else child.
6. I have a housekeeper right now that comes once a month to deep clean my space in this house. In the future I’m hoping to have one come once a week.
7. In the future I plan to pay for a high quality vegan meal service such as Veestro. But I can’t afford that right now. It would also be an option to have a chef meal prep for me and my husband once or twice a week. I looked into that when I was in Arizona.
8. I am currently pursuing a Masters in Accounting and if necessary I can open a business from home with that degree if I don’t work in the accounting department at the woman led retail fashion company that I currently work for.
9. I don’t want to compete with my man. I want him to lead me. I am submissive and passive by nature. I am extremely non confrontational. I am nice, cooperative and agreeable. I also am a good conversationalist once I know someone well. I do veer on the shy side when i first meet people. I try to listen more than I speak. I am flexible in my mentality. I try to curse very rarely.
10. Once I finish my degree I plan to move to Houston and hopefully get out and network more. What I usually use for that is the website meetup.com
11. I have begun investing in my appearance so I can be as pretty as possible and what Kevin calls Feminine, Beautiful, and Inspirational. I recognize that most men are visual creatures. So for the best success at achieving my goals I need to look the part. To that end I have begun purchasing higher quality wigs and having them installed. I don’t like putting on and taking off hair, I need it to be semi-permanent. I get that done every other month. Every 2 weeks I get eye lash extensions. I get a manicure and pedicure once a month. I don’t get crazy long fake nails. I keep a short french manicure and pink on my toes. I also recently got microbladed on my eyebrows so that I can look good and look natural without a bunch of makeup. To that end I’ve also started taking better care of my skin. I subscribe to Curology for prescription strength retinol which any woman my age should always be using for clinically proven anti aging. I started using sun screen as well. I also have other skin care that I have invested in from places like Naturium and Estee Lauder. I try to be stylish but not too outlandish. I have an interest in women’s fashion. My personal style is more on the stylish and trendy side though and not really the classic side. I don’t have tattoos.
12. Once I earn enough money I plan to hire a personal trainer, a contest prep coach, a matchmaker, a etiquette coach, and a lifestyle coach as well as continue with therapy. Hopefully I can accomplish all these goals before I turn 50 years old.

100 pounds

Today I stepped on the scale and got a big surprise

With this weight I have officially lost 100 pounds

I started my weight loss journey on September 23, 2018, today is September 22, 2020. It officially took me 2 full years to lose 100 pounds.

I am excited to lose the last 65 pounds to reach my goal of having a normal BMI. It will probably take another full year to do that but I have all the time in the world

My next goal is to get below 200 pounds. Then get to 185 pounds so I can be out of the OBESE category and into the overweight category for BMI.

What I’m eating tomorrow

Breakfast: oatmeal (140 cal), Soylent Stacked (180 cal) NinXia (25 cal)

Lunch: water (10 cal), liquid fiber (10 cal), protein water (70 cal), Enchiladas Al Chipotle (440 cal), sparkling water (10 cal)

Dinner: Healthy Choice Simply Steamers Garden Vegetable (150 cal), Veggie corn dog (140 cal), water (10 cal), Goli ACV gummies (30 cal)

Snack: sparkling water (10 cal), 3 Goli (45 cal), Omega 3 (20 cal), Garden Salad (50 cal), Honey Dijon dressing (100 cal), 2 jello cups (10 cal)

Total calories: 1,440

Macros/Nutrients:

Protein: 61 g, Carbs: 228 g, Fiber: 30 g, Sugar: 82 g, Fat: 38 g, Sodium: 2,080 mg

What I Eat in a Day

Breakfast: oatmeal (160 cal), Soylent Stacked (180 cal) NinXia (25 cal)

Lunch: water (10 cal), fiber gummies (10 cal), liquid fiber (10 cal), protein water (70 cal), Veggie pepperoni pizza bites (360 cal)

Dinner: Saus’age & Homestyle Gravy Bowl (250 cal), water (10 cal), Goli ACV gummies (30 cal)

Snack: sparkling water (10 cal), 3 Goli (45 cal), Omega 3 (20 cal), Garden Salad (50 cal), Honey Dijon dressing (100 cal), 2 jello cups (10 cal)

Total calories: 1,390

Macros/Nutrients:

Protein: 67 g, Carbs: 208 g, Fiber: 34 g, Sugar: 58 g, Fat: 44 g, Sodium: 2,970 mg