Makeup

I love makeup. I don’t wear a lot of it, but I think it is so fun. I love to watch Youtube tutorials and reviews. My favorite beauty gurus to watch are Jackie Aina and Makeup Shayla.

Yesterday I was watching my friend Hailey (www.DivineMrsDiva.com) do a Facebook live about makeup and she mentioned this website where you can get a lot of name brand makeup at a discount. It’s called All Cosmetics Wholesale ( https://www.allcosmeticswholesale.com ) . They are going out of sale and everything is 60% off.

I bought 6 name brand items for $40 including shipping (the shipping is expensive). I ordered:

URBAN DECAY Revolution Lipgloss – Big Bang			$8.99
JOUER Long Wearing Eye Definer – Noir			$11.99
DOSE OF COLORS Classic Gloss – Attitude			$14.99
HOURGLASS Opaque Rouge Liquid Lipstick – Ballet			$19.99
2 pc TOO FACED Shadow Insurance Travel Tube u/b			$12.99
SOAP & GLORY Scrub ‘Em and Leave ‘Em 10 oz. – $8.99

I’m excited about my purchases , especially the lip gloss

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Yoga Practice

Just finished my second day of yoga. The first day was Restorative yoga which we mostly did sitting and lying down, today was Beginners Yoga which introduced downward facing dog, which I cannot even do. I can’t get my heavy body off the ground to get into the downward facing dog position, so I just stay in cat pose and dog pose. I was able to do warrior pose but the lunges that go along with it were difficult for me.

My gym has yoga class everyone Tuesday and Thursday and I have my academic classes every tues and thur too, so I’ll just go to yoga when I get out of class. This way I’ll make it a routine and stay consistent.

Snacks

Last night I decided to go to H.E.B. and see if I could find some snacks that were lower calorie than what I’ve been eating. I picked up these Lil Bites chocolate chip muffins (190 calories), Fiber One oatmeal cookies (120 calories), and Fig Newtons (60 calories per bar).

Oh man those Lil Bites chocolate chip muffins taste just like chocolate cake with fudge frosting. I was so excited. I did overeat on them, but I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m excited to find something to replace my expensive unhealthy cake habit.

I’ve started taking pictures every day at work, so there will be more pics of me on this blog.

 

Weight Gain

I’ve been paying for my gym membership since February & I never went. Today was my first day in yoga at my gym. I got pissed afterwards cause the TruFit personal trainers were trying to hard sell me on a package. Hello! I barely go to the gym and you want me to pay more?

During my fitness assessment I had to weigh myself. I weigh 312 pounds. I’ve gained 10 pounds in the last 2 months. It’s not that big of a surprise because I’ve been eating a overwhelming amount of cake. This morning I ate half of a key lime pie. I want to get this under control. I need some kind of direction from a therapist or someone. I think maybe 1 strategy is to eat lower calorie desserts. Like get the sugar free stuff or something like that. I can’t keep going like this because I’ll be 400 pounds soon.

When I was doing Nutrisystem, I lost 30 pounds without even trying. I never weighed myself, but by the time I stopped NutriSystem I was at 280 pounds. I hate the NutriSystem food though. It’s gross. But it was low calorie. I need to find some low calorie dessert options, does anyone have any suggestions?

I’ve decided to go to yoga twice a week because I need to strengthen my core and I am having trouble with mobility. My body hurts every time I get off work, because of all the bending over, so I think yoga can help with that cause it puts you thru different positions so my body can adapt. My yoga class was great this morning, not hard at all.

Changes

Alot has happened in the last 2 months.

I finished an Accounting class with a grade of B. I moved out of my mom’s house. I got a sales associate job at a retail clothing store. I started dating someone new.

Through these changes my eating has been very high calorie, I’ve been eating ALOT of cake.

At first I was eating loads of cake, pie, donuts, cookies, pastry. My therapist made me give up 1 thing, so I gave up cookies. I mostly just eat cake, although I did have pumpkin pie last week. I’m sure I’m eating my emotions and feelings. Feeling insecure financially and lonely.

My emotions are all over the place. I don’t feel as secure as I felt in my mom’s house. Now I have to depend only on myself for my housing and I don’t have a good record of keeping a job because of my mental health issues, especially involving my anxiety. I have anxiety that I will become homeless.

I am glad to be back in school, I want to be an Accountant so I’m taking some lower level accounting and economics classes before I apply to graduate school.

At my job, I am on my feet for hours at a time and also I have to bend and lift things, so that is the only exercise I am getting. I have noticed my back doesn’t hurt as much anymore while working. When I first started I had to take 600 mg of prescription Ibuprofen along with a muscle relaxer to get thru the work day. This week I have been taking just regular over the counter ibuprofen with no muscle relaxer. So I believe my core is getting stronger.

I love this job though, it’s part time. I can’t work too much because of my school schedule and other factors. They actually offered me a promotion as a key holder which pays more and would give me more hours. They have to do a background check on me first. I was surprised they like me that much.

I’ve gone on two dates with this older guy. He’s nice but a strong Type A personality which can historically be a bit much for me. He has been fine though so far. I don’t see him enough so it’s kind of stalling the progress of the relationship. He lives over 50 miles away and he’s always super busy at work.

I moved into a 4 bedroom/4 bathroom condo with 3 other students. They are all at least 20 years younger than me. Nice girls though.

I still go out with my mom. We went for sushi today and yesterday we went to dinner and last Saturday we went for brunch.

I don’t know how much I weigh, last I checked I had gained 20 pounds and was around 302 lbs.

Dieting Progress Report

First of all I haven’t eaten ANY of my trigger foods; cake, donuts, pie

However I am still eating over my caloric goal, but not as much as I was before. For the past 7 days I’ve eaten 200 – 500 calories over as opposed to over 1000 calories over my goal.

I’m really not sure what I need to do. Well ok I do know what I need to do. For the past 2 days I ate dinner at the movie theatre which consisted of pizza and margaritas. So yes that put me over my calories. I did choose salad yesterday at the theatre instead of pizza BUT I had it with bleu cheese dressing. It was so good. OMG!! Also, I am NOT willing to give up alcohol. I am not ready for that yet.

I’m not sure how to get my overage down to zero, but cutting it in half should at least stop me from gaining weight.

My goal is to lose 1 pound a week and to do that I have to eat 2000 calories or less every day. I try to focus on eating 500 calories per meal. I eat 4 meals a day; Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Snack

It’s really hard to stick to 2000 calories a day. It’s almost impossible for me to do when I eat outside of the house.

Today I only ate at home and my calories look on track to be perfect. I have no trigger foods here. No alcohol here. Maybe today will be a good day.

Dieting

I’ve been writing in this blog since 2012 I think. 2012 is the last time I went on a restrictive diet.

I’m ready to try again with the restrictive dieting. My goal is to eat way less sugar products. Abstain from donuts and cake and candy.

Tuesday at my support group they had mini Twix, I grabbed a handful and ate 1 (50 calories), then I just decided “I’m not doing this anymore” and I put the rest back. Small victories. Tuesday I ate UNDER my caloric goal. I was so happy.

It’s about choices.

Wednesday I didn’t do as well. Part of the problem was that I was on the road for about 5 hours driving my mom and sister to Houston to catch a flight. I did make better choices but my calories were still way over. For breakfast yesterday I had yogurt alternative, mixed fruit, 100-calorie pack of almonds, fruit salad

that was fine

then it started raining really bad while I was trying to drive and it got scary AND i was hungry so me and my other sister went to Ihop to get off the road and wait out the rain. At Ihop I got the lowest calorie pancakes that I could find which was the Rooty Tooty Fresh n Fruity pancakes with peach topping , it had only 560 calories plus syrup and I ate that with a tiny bowl of grits, so that was not great then I went out for dinner with my Ladies meetup group, we went to a BBQ place, I ordered a veggie plate. So I had cabbage, potato salad, creamed corn and a red potato plus a tiny bowl of peach cobbler for dessert and dinner was about 810 calories

Then for my 4th meal which is usually my late night meal I ate white bean and feta power bowl and some protein granola – that meal is what put me OVER my caloric goal

So Wednesday I didn’t do too well, I could have made even better choices

I’m accustomed to eating whatever the hell I want when I want it. I need to #1 – get accustomed to being a little hungry and #2 – consistently make better choices, #3 – abstain from my trigger foods which is donuts, cake, pie, candy. I don’t think I can even have them in moderation.

So far today I’ve done well. I wanted to go to Starbucks to get a frappucino but I stopped myself. I came home and ate a banana instead.

Today for breakfast I had pineapples in coconut milk and a breakfast sandwich, it did have eggs and a veggie meat in it. I bought these breakfast sandwiches, they were in the vegetarian section of Kroger, it said harmless ham (meatless) and I was excited about that, I forgot that I don’t eat eggs. The reason I don’t eat eggs is because the egg industry grinds of the male baby chicks alive and I want to minimize my contribution to that.

For lunch I had Amy Mexican Casserole and fruit salad

For snack right now I am eating a zucchini chocolate chip muffin, it’s really good, I found it in the vegetarian section of Kroger. Only has 120 calories. It’s really small.

I’m going to try to make good choices the rest of the day so I don’t go over my calories.

I have to stay vigilant and remind myself that I am trying to do a lot better with my eating and restricting my refined sugar intake. If I didn’t eat sugary items , my calories would be good every day.

One day at a time.