Life or something like it

Today, I left my bedroom once to go get groceries. Besides that I slept all day while watching Income Property on Youtube. I talked to my boyfriend and my sister tonight.

I was complaining about my finances to my sister. She suggested I start meditating and change my outlook on life. My finance troubles are hopefully temporary. Till I get my Masters degree and a good job. I don’t feel attractive without getting my hair done professionally in this style I like. I only get my hair done every two months. I hate cleaning bathrooms so I pay a housekeeper to clean mine once a month. I go out to dinner once a week with the girls for my social life. I get a mani/pedi once a month.If I stopped all these things I would save myself  $275 a month. I don’t want to give these things up because I feel like they contribute to me not being depressed. I was depressed for so long and suicidal and I don’t want to get to that place again. I feel like I am at a equilibrium because I have these things in place in my life. I don’t feel depressed, I just feel a little anxious about my finances and putting everything on credit cards.

I studied a little for the GRE.

I did a guided meditation for 10 minutes but my mind kept wandering. I think it takes a few practices of meditation before you focus on breaths and stuff like that. This is the guided meditation I did. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p_yaNFSYao

I don’t know if I like meditating or not. I will try it a few more times to see.

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Diet Part 2 is over

I’m done with dieting for awhile. This morning the scale was really low, but I ate like crap today, so I’m sure that will change.

I went to therapy today. We are trying to get to the root of my overspending issue. I know that is a symptom of being bipolar but we need to figure out the why so I can stop it.

I had cupcakes for breakfast and a black bean burger with potato wedge fries at my concert. Then I had the most expensive vodka and cranberry I have ever paid for. 😦

My concert was awesome. I liked my seats. I was close to the second stage in the stands in row 4. Girls kept stopping me to tell me my dress was fabulous. I got stopped so many times, I was like “omg I’m cute”. lol  This one girl told me my dress was distracting her, lol

I missed the beginning of the concert cause I was in a long line to get a drink. I forgot that NKOTB are the first ones on stage. The concert was a mixture of all the acts coming out at different times throughout the show. There was no real opener or closer. Tiffany has a great voice still. Debbie Gibson is so perky, I liked Salt N Pepa, but I could have done without Naughty By Nature. NKOTB was awesome as usual. I only saw Jon make one choreography mistake, which was a bummer cause I love watching Jon make mistakes throughout the show. He’s my favorite, I love that man so much. Donnie took off his shirt and I was mesmerized by his abs. He’s almost 50 with a ridiculous 6 pack. Danny’s birthday was today and he is still breakdancing at his age. These guys do not age. Joe McIntyre came to my section during one of the songs. Also, Joey does the absolute MOST when singing “please don’t go girl” He still sounds good too. This was the first time I stayed through ‘Hanging Tough”, It’s usually the last song so I leave to beat the crowd. But I stayed for it this time and thank god I did cause they all sang 80’s Baby after Hanging Tough, so I left during that instead.

I got lost coming home, as usual. I always get lost coming to College Station from Houston.

Do you guys think I should continue posting what I eat?

Day 58: diet Part 2

Well tomorrow is my NKOTB concert and I  didn’t make my weight loss goal

I’m not wearing those jeans anyway, so it doesn’t matter

I’m wearing a sequin dress and sparkly shoes

I’m only 5 pounds away from my diet part 2 goal anyway, so I’m not depressed or anything

what I ate today:

Breakfast: Amy’s Breakfast Country Bake (420 cal)

Lunch: Sweet Earth General Tso’s Tofu (330 cal), Lemon vodka (130 cal), Sweet tea vodka (138 cal)

Dinner: Amy’s thai green curry (360 cal)

Total calories for the day: 1,378

The pattern

I had a drink today, Deep Eddy’s Sweet tea vodka and lemonade vodka. It’s nasty. I was trying to make a Arnold Palmer but with alcohol. It does not taste like an Arnold Palmer it’s gross. But I drank it.

Almost done with my drink.

I took these pills that help you metabolism alcohol called ‘RU 21″

You still get drunk but you don’t get a hangover

I’m losing weight still

very slowly

I lose about 3-5 pounds per month

I wish it was faster but I won’t give up my cake and liquor so it’s slow

I wanna eat cookies and cake and pizza and drink whatever I want

But I do it moderately so I still lose weight

Like today for instance I measure how much I drank and I include it in my calories on MyFitnessPal, so I had 1000 calories today including my drinks

I figure I will reach my goal by december

My goal is to get to 230 pounds, I think at  that weight my face isn’t so puffy and fat and my stomach is a little smaller, Once I get to that weight I will maintain until I can get weight loss surgery, I can live with 230 pounds,

I’ve lost 35 pounds since I’ve started this diet routine

As long as you consistently try, you will achieve, that’s what I’ve learned, I’ve consistently tried since September 2018, I didn’t lose a lot each month, but I keep losing, some times I gain 2-3 pounds but I lose it the next week

Like if I have a bad week of eating junk, I self correct the next week, then I do good for 2 weeks, then I might slip up for 1 day and only lose 1 pound that week, But as long as I am losing that is good

I don’t exercise so that is a big thing, one day I anticipate that I will add exercise but I’m just not ready to stick to a exercise regimen. I haven’t found an exercise that I enjoy.

So this was just a state of the union address, hope you liked it

Day 57: diet Part 2

Target had a pretty cool deal on the Target app today, spend $50 on household products and get a $15 gift card, spend $20 on beauty items and get a $5 gift card. I have a Target REDcard credit card so for household I bought paper towels, laundry detergent, dish soap, trash bags, kleenex, and for beauty I bought a Ponds cleansing balm and Pixi glow tonic for exfoliation. They sent the gift cards to my email immediately.

Last night I watched a couple videos on skin care routines. I need to step up my skin care now that I am older. My skin has changed so much, I no longer get acne but I have extremely dry skin specifically around my mouth. Everyday I have to lather aquaphor to the skin around my mouth because it peels and cracks daily. I have tried multiple types of moisturizers for that area and the only thing that makes the flaky skin go away for a length of time (few hours) is aquaphor or vaseline. The skin around my mouth is about 3 shades lighter than the rest of my face because it peels everyday. I also have dark circles under my eyes and some dark patches on my cheeks. Today I wrote on a index card, the steps to a good skin care routine and taped it to my mirror in the bathroom. Then I organized my products to see if I have everything I need. I do, except sunscreen. I never wear sunscreen. The only time I am outside is on my way walking to my car or walking in a building. Anyway, I might get some sunscreen cause they were really pushing it on the videos I watched.

The only time I left the house today was to go pick up my Target order which I ordered on the app and they brought it to my car.

The rest of the day I have been watching Youtube videos and exploring the Princeton Review test prep site.

What I ate today:

Breakfast: oatmeal (380 cal)

Lunch: Chinese noodles and veggies in a cashew cream sauce (480 cal)

Dinner: Zatarains Shrimp Alfredo (480 cal)

Total calories: 1’340

Day 56: diet Part 2

Easy day today, just went to work then to dinner with my mom. I had a bit to drink today. Calories are kinda high. Today my sister bought my GRE Prep Course, so starting next week, I will be studying intensely to take the GRE in late August.

Breakfast: oatmeal (380 cal)

Lunch/Dinner: sex on the beach daiquiri (250 cal), onion rings (440 cal), shrimp and grits (390 cal), Texas toast (100 cal), Prosecco (124 cal)

snacks: Fruit cup (30 cal)

Total calories : 1714

Day 55: diet Part 2

I think Wednesdays food came to strike today, cause I was back up to 277 pounds today.

3 pound gain

well today I ate better:

Breakfast: oatmeal (380 cal)

Lunch: protein bar (220 cal)

Dinner: Sweet Earth Quesidilla (420 cal)

Snack: Amy’s Green Curry (360 cal)

Total: 1,380