I lost my job a month ago. They said they needed someone with more experience, like 5 years of experience. They didn’t want to train me.
I have $0 income. I get some food stamps and that’s it. I have been so stressed and panicking. I’ve been taking anxiety medication every day. None of my bills are being paid including my credit card bills. My credit score dropped to below 500. That can effect me getting hired in Accounting.
Thankfully my sister lives with me and has been helping out a lot. My rent is paid until July. I really only have to worry about paying my car note and car insurance. Somehow I was able to pay my May car note. I sold some things, my boyfriend gave me some money for my birthday and I did a bunch of little things that added up to $522 and paid off the car note for May.
I’m hoping to get summer financial aid and if I do, it will be enough to pay my car note for June and car insurance that is due next month. I pay my car insurance 6 months in advance. Then all I will have to worry about is how to pay my rent for July.
Hopefully I will have a job by then. It’s hard for me to find a job because they all want someone with a lot of experience, even the entry level jobs wants someone with a lot of experience. I need to work somewhere that is willing to train me from the ground up.
I had to let go of my dietician and therapist, I dont have the money to pay them. I really need to see my therapist. I have been suicidal for most of this year.
I have 3 more sessions with my personal trainer that I prepaid for. After that I won’t see her till June 7. My sister is out of town until June 6, when she comes back she is going to pay for me and her to see my trainer. Usually we workout together with my trainer.
The one good thing that happened is my dietician gave me enough tips that I have stopped binging. I haven’t binge eaten in 2 months. Now I’m trying to lose all this weight I gained. Today I weigh 226. I had got up to 238 two months ago. It is really hard to lose weight now. One of the things my dietician said I had to do to stop binging is raise my daily calories. So now I am trying to stick to about 2030 calories a day. I had been eating way over that when I was binging. I was eating like 4000 calories a day from binging. That’s how I gained so much weight. Sticking to 2000 calories is difficult cause I am hungry at night. The past week I’ve been sticking to it.
I also changed my sleep schedule around so that I can go to this upcoming New Kids on the Block concert that my mom bought me birthday tickets for.
Because I had been working at 8am I would get up at 4am to exercise for 3 hours before getting ready for work then getting to work on time at 8 am. Because of that I was going to bed around 6pm. That ruined my social life. Like I could not stay awake past 6pm. I’ve been trying to change my sleep pattern for a month. What I finally did last week that worked was I took all my sleep medication at like 12 noon. Then I fell asleep till like 6pm. Then I stayed up till 11pm and went back to bed. So now I wake up at 8:30 am. and now I can stay up till 11pm. This is so good because I can go to my New Kids oN the Block concert this Thursday and stay awake. Then Friday I am flying to Arizona. My boyfriend is bringing me there for the weekend to see him. Hopefully I will not be stressed all weekend, I am usually really calm and feel great when I am near him.
I still exercise for 3 hours a day. Lately it’s just been me on the treadmill. Tomorrow it will be 1 hour with my trainer then 3 hours on the treadmill.
I’m trying to get my weight to move lower, I haven’t really been successful so far. But it’s only been about 3 days of successfully keeping my calories at 2030 a day. So I think with a little more stability it will finally move downwards.
I am doing everything I can do to get a job. I have one more class to take this summer and I am done with school.
I’ve been reaching out to everyone I know to see if they have any connections to help me get a job. I’ve been applying to all the jobs on Indeed.com.
One issue is that most of the jobs are in Houston and I am in College Station which is 90 minutes away. I will have to commute, but gas is really high and right now I dont even have the gas to get to Houston to go to the airport this friday. Let alone commuting there every day for a job. So that is something I will have to figure out how to overcome. If I commute to and from Houston for a job every day that’s going to be about $400 a month for fuel.
Not to mention that I would have to wake up super duper early to get in my exercise for even just 2 hours, eat breakfast then get ready, then commute for 90 minutes and I would probably have to be at work at 8 am. I would have to wake up at 3 am to do all that. Then if I get off work at 5pm, I will probably be too tired to even drive 90 minutes home. But once I get home I would have to go right to bed. and do that every day.
I hope I can find a job locally for that reason. There just aren’t many available here. And none that dont require a ton of experience.
I turned 49 on May 5. I had a birthday dinner with my mom and some of my sisters and my friend Xindie. It was nice but I got sleepy by 6pm and I was practically passing out at the dinner table. I felt bad.This is why my schedule had to change.
Basically I am depressed, stressed, suicidal, and panicking and have alot of anxiety. I have been planning for months how I am going to kill myself. I don’t want to fail next time. It’s a little complicated how I plan to do it so that I dont fail. It requires muslitple steps to it. Anyway, Somehow I am hanging in there because for now I am not homeless and my car hasn’t been repossessed. It would be a different story if that happens.
Anyway, that’s the update of where I am right now.