Cutting sodium

I have to cut out the olives, feta and banana peppers from my salads, I just started adding them a week ago, but they all have a bunch of sodium

its a shame cause they taste so good in my salad

I bought some dried almond cranberry mix to put in instead, its low sodium and low calorie

Trying a new Schedule

I’m going to try a new walking schedule because I want to walk more than 2 hours per day.

I’m going to set my alarm for 5 am, get up eat my oatmeal, go back to sleep for 30 minutes.

Then set my second alarm for 6 am, go for my walk till 9 am.

I can’t stop at Starbucks any more for my breakfast sandwich and cold brew cause both are causing me high blood pressure issues. The sandwich has too much sodium and the coffee is causing dehydration on my walks. So I will eat an hour before I go walking.

I will bring my big jug of gatorade. But it’s really not enough for 2.5 – 3 hours so half way thru my walk at 7:30 am I will buy a bottle of gatorade from from the gas station (every other store will be closed around here, even Target doesn’t open till 8 am) and drink that on my way home. Hopefully that will prevent my dehydration issues.

I bought a bunch of lower sodium microwave meals. My choices were very very limited, but I did find some things. Nothing as fun as my falafel sandwiches and Boomerang pot pies, which makes me so sad, I cannot have those.

I couldn’t find a low sodium AND low calorie salad dressing, so it seems I will just have to eat less salad dressing instead of 9 Tablespoons. I will do 6 instead.

Also my hearing is kinda deteriorating a little. I think its from the music blasting in my air pods on my walks. My phone has been warning me for months to turn the volume down, but I didn’t. Now I will.

Feeling Run Down

I sent my doctors office a email notifying them of this.

This past wednesday I walked starting at 8am. I went to Starbucks I ate some cake from there, and drank some coffee, cold brew, then I walked a few miles and went to another starbucks and drank a Nitro cold brew.

Then I was walking in the heat for a few hours and I started feeling really sick and run down. A little dizzy, a little nauseous, like I was going to faint.

I walked to my mom’s house, she lives 7 miles from my house. I laid down took a nap at my moms house for an hour. Then I got up, thought I would feel better, this was around 2-3 pm.

I walked again, in the scorching heat (i didn’t relate the heat to what I was feeling because I had been walking for months in the heat) and walked about 5 miles to a restaurant where I had to sit down and I was feeling really sick so I called my sister to come pick me up. She brought me home. I slept for about 10 hours.

I woke the next day, Thursday, still not feeling 100% better, I walked 2 hours in the morning then went to work, still didn’t feel totally better. I came home and went right to sleep.

Friday, I woke up, walked for 2 hours, went to work. I had a headache for hours. I was taking acetaminophen and ibuprofen every couple of hours.

Saturday, I woke up, walked 3 hours starting at 8am, went to work, walked home, I had a headache, I drank water and gatorade and lemonade. I also drank a fruit smoothie. My heart was pounding, not necessarily fast, just hard.

So I went to CVS and took my blood pressure, it was higher than its ever been 146/90

My sister told me to drink coconut water, so I went to the grocery store and got 2 big things of coconut water.

I came home and went to sleep.

I woke up today, still had heart palpitations, still had a little headache. I went back to CVS to check my blood pressure, it lowered to 136/89

I drank more gatorade. I drove to my mom’s house to take her all the high sodium food I have cause I am now concerned about my blood pressure. I went to the grocery store and replaced all my high sodium food.

I’m not drinking any more coffee.

I’m not having any more cake.

I’m really concerned cause my friend said she had renal failure from high blood pressure and my eye sight has been getting worse.

I’m glad I changed my walking schedule to walk in the mornings. It usually about 75 degrees in the morning.

Perfect Schedule

Happy Friday Yall,

Y’all my schedule is perfect now as far as walking

I’ve been getting up around 6:30 am and going for my walk at 7 am

I got tired of listening to music so now While walking I watch Youtube videos. That takes all the charge out of my iPhone battery so I bought a portable battery charger from CVS that I carry with me on my walk

I get to Target by 8am which is when they open and I order a cheese and spinach panini for breakfast from the Starbucks inside Target

This schedule is really good, it’s only about 75 degrees when I go for my morning walk, it lasts about a hour and a half to 2 hours.

Ok So I had been ordering cold brews, nitro cold brews and lemon pound cake

but then on Wednesday I got really really sick on my walk

First I went to target on wednesday morning around 8am and got lemon poundcake, pumpkin loaf and a venti cold brew with almond milk, then I walked about 4 miles to another Target where I got a nitro cold brew, it took about 2 hours to get there

It was around 91 degrees outside around that time

within about 20 minutes I started feeling really really sick, exhausted, nauseous, dizzy, I thought I was going to faint

I struggled to walk the other 3 miles to my mom’s house, my sister was driving by and picked me up, she said I looked ill

She took me to my mom’s house and I fell asleep for about a hour and I ate a peach

I thought I felt better so I went back to walking and made sure I brought water with hydration tablets

I thought that would be all I needed, but about a half hour in I started feeling sick again, so I stopped at Subway and ate a footlong Veggie Delight

I was thinking maybe I was just hungry so I ate that sub and cooled down a little bit

then I headed out to walk some more, and it was really hot, I was very over heated, I walked about a hour more because it was about 4 pm at that time and I was supposed to meet the girls for dinner at 5:30 pm

I walked to the area where we were meeting for dinner, I felt sick as heck, but did that stop me from stopping in a candy store and ordering a bunch of chocolate truffles, no it did not

I ate those, then I really felt sick

I called my sister and asked her to come pick me up and take me home

so she did

I went home and passed out

I realize that it was a combination of heat exhaustion, the sugar, my period and the coffee (dehydration) that made me sick

I felt sick for two days, I went to work anyway on Thursday, but I just came home and went straight to bed

Today is Friday and I feel better but I do have a headache

I’ve already gone on my walk

I feel good, I am heading to work

The struggle is real

I was doing pretty well

walking quite a bit and everything

then Sunday, I just ate everything in sight and I couldn’t figure out why I was so hungry and eating so much while on my walk

I ate elote, pina colada, 2 servings of sorbet from cold stone creamery, drinks from starbucks, that’s just what I ate while walking, that doesn’t include the meals I ate at home on Sunday

I was really concerned about it

then on Monday I came on my period

and it all made sense

Hormones make me hungry

Anyway, I gained quite a bit of weight, Today I weigh 182 pounds

Hopefully I can get it all off and more by this Sunday

I’ve decided to do my walking BEFORE work

So I will walk from 7 am – 9 am every day

I dont have to be to work till 11 am

On days that I work at 8 am (like yesterday) I either will walk at night or I won’t walk at all

I’m usually really tired after work, and don feel like walking

I need to burn these calories

also I probably gained weight because I am on my period, I tend to gain 5 pounds on my period, then it comes right off when its over

Also , my period has been sporadic and weird the past 3 months, it skipped in May, in June it came a week early and this month July it came a week early

I don’t know what’s going on, I think I’m entering peri menopause

even more reason to lose this extra weight before it becomes too hard to get off

Another cause of me not being as strict with my diet and eating more than I want is that I am doing a lot more with my life

I started a new job in June, I bought a new car in July, I haven’t worked at the job I love for about 2 months, although I am scheduled to work at that second job this saturday, so that will bring happy feelings

I like my new job, it’s just different to be on a regular schedule and working normal hours almost every day

I also started a walking meetup group

I’m also in school for the summer

I think my life changing so much the past 2 months has also contributed to me eating more because I have more opportunities to eat

Before I was mostly staying at home, doing school online and working two , maybe 3 days a week at a job where I was on my feet all day and getting in steps. It was easier to concentrate on my diet and exercise

I need to adjust to my new normal

figure out how to eat within the allotted calories I have allowed myself and don’t go over it everyday

one thing I am doing to control what I eat is I am not bringing money or credit cards with me to work or on my walks any more. I won’t be able to just buy random food.

Countdown

I’ve ben eating a lot better in some ways

Since Monday I have lost 3 pounds,

Today I weigh 177 pounds

I have 12 pounds to lose to get back to my maintenance weight of 165 pounds

I’ve been walking at least 2 hours per day except for yesterday

Yesterday I was exhausted because I’ve been going to work at 8 am and working till 5pm which is a lot for me

I’m covering for the other accounting assistant who is on vacation

Yesterday I had my ladies Dinner and I had the best food including a S’mores crepe

When I left there I went straight to bed

I slept from 7pm till 4 am

Also I raised my calories to 2000 per day because I was reading something online that said if you are a moderately active female, you should eat about 2000 calories to maintain your weight. I walk 2 hours a day so that might be more than moderately active. I did look up how many calories I burn per hour, walking 3.5 mph and it said 250 calories per hour is what I burn. So I am burning at least 500 calories every day thru exercise. Which makes my caloric deficit pretty good.

Since working this schedule this week, I have been making a point of taking a hour lunch. I normally don’t take a lunch at all, because I only usually work from 11 am – 5pm and I want to get as many hours as I can. But this week since working a longer schedule, I’ve been taking a lunch. I’ve been walking around Downtown Bryan every day and eating at the lil small business restaurants in the area. Yesterday’s lunch was really good, it was a grilled cheese sandwich and sweet potato fries. The sweet potato fries were so good that I made a second order of them.

Today for lunch I am going to a mexican restaurant in the area and I will have vegetable fajitas.

Went to Phoenix for one day

I gained 15 pounds in the past 2 weeks from bingeing because that’s what I do when I am in emotional distress. I had to consciously decide to let go of my anger, sadness and disappointment towards a family situation. It was harming me to feel that way. I just had a great weekend with family and friends in Phoenix. I feel so much better and I don’t feel the urge to binge anymore. I think it will take 5 weeks to get rid of these 15 pounds.

My family gets together

I’ve been emotionally overeating the last 2 weeks

Monday I had 7 donuts

every day I’ve eaten over 2000 calories and close to 3000 on some days

I actually raised my daily caloric limit to 1800 calories and I’ve still been eating over that amount

I haven’t gained ANY weight, probably cause I’ve been walking a ton

I had requested less sessions with my therapist because at one point I was doing better

I talk to him on Wednesdays cause I don’t work on Wednesdays

I’ve decided I need to see him more often again cause I am having some emotional challenges

The issue?

My family decided to throw a birthday party to celebrate their fathers birthday

My whole family was invited except me and my step sister of course

why?

Because we were molested by him when we were very young children.

Make no mistake, I would have been offended if I was invited to his birthday party

My sister who organized the party said it’s not so much about him but about getting the family together

If that is the case why was me and my step sister left out? Why didn’t they organize a “get together” for everyone but him, instead of a family get together for everyone except me and my step sister?

Everyone is going including my mom.

Watching your family choose a child molester over you is emotionally damaging. It’s a blow to my self esteem which is already pretty low.

I talked to my therapist about it, he couldn’t believe it, he kept saying “do they know what he did to you?”

I said yes

He said “well why are they celebrating him?”

I said “because they don’t care”

Why do they want to celebrate a grown man who told 6 year old little girls (me and my step sister) to touch his penis

and then told us not to tell anyone

The harm that caused me my whole life is devastating

Anyway I’ve been emotionally overeating and over-shopping a lot ever since I learned about this “party/celebration/get together”

I only have one family so there really is nothing I can do about it but eat

I will process this with my therapist and eventually get back to being more stable

I’ve come a long way

I got a compliment on my progress at my new job last week. That was nice.

I’m still working at my other part time job at the clothing store too, but less frequently. In fact I took the whole summer off from that job cause I am taking a summer class and its intense. (It’s called Accounting Theory and it’s a lot of work.) I’ve been working there since July 2018. It’s the longest I’ve ever held a job.

Yesterday my brother flew in from Qatar where he is a teacher, I drove to Houston to pick him up and bring him here to help celebrate my mom’s birthday. It was nice to see him. Me, my brother, my mother and sisters went shopping and had lunch.

He was advising me on how to start running, which is my goal eventually. He was also advising me on where to look for hip places to live in Houston. I was considering the Uptown-Galleria area but he said there are better places, so I will check around, maybe Downtown.

Today, I sent a formal apology to several of my old friends who I wronged in the past. I realized that my negative percetion and judgements of them was based on my own untreated depression at the time.

I also was pretty closed minded on some progressive issues, which is a problem because I was friends with some progressive people. I’m ashamed of my verbiage around gay rights in particular.

I miss my friend Kevin. I miss my friend Charles. I don’t even know Charles last name to try to look him up.

My friend group use to be so great and supportive and I treated them like shit.

I wanted to make sure I was completely healed and not depressed anymore before I apologized to my friends. If they let me back in their lives, I don’t want to re-traumatize them with my issues. But I am doing 100% better now. Being on medication and staying in therapy has helped me a lot.

 I still have binge eating issues, but I am not gaining weight because MOST of the time I stick to my diet. But like last week I went to my mom’s house twice and both times I ate cheesecake. I didn’t binge on them but I definitely went over my calories. But yesterday I was driving home alone from dropping off my brother in Houston and I stopped to pee at Buccees and ended up buying a big bag of Sugar-Free milk chocolate covered almonds. I ate the whole bag really fast. Oh yesterday I also ate pad thai, and thai ice tea at my mom’s birthday luncheon. I shouldn’t have had the thai iced tea cause it has cow milk in it. I was going to cancel it but the waiter had already made it and I didn’t want to waste it. But yes, I am still a vegan/vegetarian for the animals sake.