Summer Update

I lost my job a month ago. They said they needed someone with more experience, like 5 years of experience. They didn’t want to train me.

I have $0 income. I get some food stamps and that’s it. I have been so stressed and panicking. I’ve been taking anxiety medication every day. None of my bills are being paid including my credit card bills. My credit score dropped to below 500. That can effect me getting hired in Accounting.

Thankfully my sister lives with me and has been helping out a lot. My rent is paid until July. I really only have to worry about paying my car note and car insurance. Somehow I was able to pay my May car note. I sold some things, my boyfriend gave me some money for my birthday and I did a bunch of little things that added up to $522 and paid off the car note for May.

I’m hoping to get summer financial aid and if I do, it will be enough to pay my car note for June and car insurance that is due next month. I pay my car insurance 6 months in advance. Then all I will have to worry about is how to pay my rent for July.

Hopefully I will have a job by then. It’s hard for me to find a job because they all want someone with a lot of experience, even the entry level jobs wants someone with a lot of experience. I need to work somewhere that is willing to train me from the ground up.

I had to let go of my dietician and therapist, I dont have the money to pay them. I really need to see my therapist. I have been suicidal for most of this year.

I have 3 more sessions with my personal trainer that I prepaid for. After that I won’t see her till June 7. My sister is out of town until June 6, when she comes back she is going to pay for me and her to see my trainer. Usually we workout together with my trainer.

The one good thing that happened is my dietician gave me enough tips that I have stopped binging. I haven’t binge eaten in 2 months. Now I’m trying to lose all this weight I gained. Today I weigh 226. I had got up to 238 two months ago. It is really hard to lose weight now. One of the things my dietician said I had to do to stop binging is raise my daily calories. So now I am trying to stick to about 2030 calories a day. I had been eating way over that when I was binging. I was eating like 4000 calories a day from binging. That’s how I gained so much weight. Sticking to 2000 calories is difficult cause I am hungry at night. The past week I’ve been sticking to it.

I also changed my sleep schedule around so that I can go to this upcoming New Kids on the Block concert that my mom bought me birthday tickets for.

Because I had been working at 8am I would get up at 4am to exercise for 3 hours before getting ready for work then getting to work on time at 8 am. Because of that I was going to bed around 6pm. That ruined my social life. Like I could not stay awake past 6pm. I’ve been trying to change my sleep pattern for a month. What I finally did last week that worked was I took all my sleep medication at like 12 noon. Then I fell asleep till like 6pm. Then I stayed up till 11pm and went back to bed. So now I wake up at 8:30 am. and now I can stay up till 11pm. This is so good because I can go to my New Kids oN the Block concert this Thursday and stay awake. Then Friday I am flying to Arizona. My boyfriend is bringing me there for the weekend to see him. Hopefully I will not be stressed all weekend, I am usually really calm and feel great when I am near him.

I still exercise for 3 hours a day. Lately it’s just been me on the treadmill. Tomorrow it will be 1 hour with my trainer then 3 hours on the treadmill.

I’m trying to get my weight to move lower, I haven’t really been successful so far. But it’s only been about 3 days of successfully keeping my calories at 2030 a day. So I think with a little more stability it will finally move downwards.

I am doing everything I can do to get a job. I have one more class to take this summer and I am done with school.

I’ve been reaching out to everyone I know to see if they have any connections to help me get a job. I’ve been applying to all the jobs on Indeed.com.

One issue is that most of the jobs are in Houston and I am in College Station which is 90 minutes away. I will have to commute, but gas is really high and right now I dont even have the gas to get to Houston to go to the airport this friday. Let alone commuting there every day for a job. So that is something I will have to figure out how to overcome. If I commute to and from Houston for a job every day that’s going to be about $400 a month for fuel.

Not to mention that I would have to wake up super duper early to get in my exercise for even just 2 hours, eat breakfast then get ready, then commute for 90 minutes and I would probably have to be at work at 8 am. I would have to wake up at 3 am to do all that. Then if I get off work at 5pm, I will probably be too tired to even drive 90 minutes home. But once I get home I would have to go right to bed. and do that every day.

I hope I can find a job locally for that reason. There just aren’t many available here. And none that dont require a ton of experience.

I turned 49 on May 5. I had a birthday dinner with my mom and some of my sisters and my friend Xindie. It was nice but I got sleepy by 6pm and I was practically passing out at the dinner table. I felt bad.This is why my schedule had to change.

Basically I am depressed, stressed, suicidal, and panicking and have alot of anxiety. I have been planning for months how I am going to kill myself. I don’t want to fail next time. It’s a little complicated how I plan to do it so that I dont fail. It requires muslitple steps to it. Anyway, Somehow I am hanging in there because for now I am not homeless and my car hasn’t been repossessed. It would be a different story if that happens.

Anyway, that’s the update of where I am right now.

On a Roll

I lost another pound. So I think I’ve lost 3 pounds this week and the week isn’t even over. Reducing my calories to 2000 really was a good decision for me to reach my weight goal.

I’ve been trying to push myself to stay up a little later. I have stuff I want to do at night and my body keeps pushing me to go to sleep at like 6:30 pm

I want to go to sleep at 9pm

I’m working on it. I think last night I went to bed at 8pm, so I’m getting closer to my goal sleep time

Everything is going great over here

If you’re ready to prioritize your health and wellness, but need a little help and a push, check out the wellness program I have designed. It’s on my website at www.vickinicole.com

It’s working

I know my dietician won’t approve because he wanted me to eat more calories. But I was gaining too much weight at the calories he was suggesting, which was about 2500 per day. The reason he wanted me to eat that much was to address any nutritional deficiencies Also it could help with my binge eating if I am not hungry at all during the day. I get the reason why he wanted me to eat more calories, I just am not willing to gain more weight to achieve those results.

I haven’t binged in about a month. I definitely think what made the difference is raising my calories but also having a treat prepared in my fridge that I can eat every day has done wonders for me. I meal prep 10 large strawberries with 4 tablespoons of sugar free whipped cream and have it in my fridge to eat when I want to binge which is usually in the middle of the night. I also have a fun snack everyday. Right now my daily fun snack is a box of Cracker Jack’s which only has 120 calories in it. I eat that for a snack with a bottle of protein water to make it a hunger crushing combo. I also have extra treats on the weekends. On Saturday mornings, I have waffles from my favorite restaurant and on Sundays I have about 3 pieces of gourmet chocolate from a candy store that is around the corner from where I live. These treats have prevented me from feeling deprived. I don’t have a cheat day and I don’t need a cheat day because of these treats that are incorporated into my regular diet. My daily calories are not increased because of these treats, they are built into my caloric goal.

So anyway, I dropped my calories to 2000 a day and I am seeing some weight loss happen. I’ve been losing about 1/2 pound per day, which is exciting for me. If I can lose 2-3 pounds per week, I would be very satisfied with that.

Of course I am still exercising for 2 or more hours per day. I burn about 400 calories during my daily exercise. My net calories after exercise is about 1600.

I’ve been trying to increase my protein per day but it is a bit difficult on 2000 calories to do that. I would have to intake more calories to achieve that. So right now my protein intake is between 100 – 125 grams per day. My goal would be about 165 grams of protein per day.

For me balance is important, enjoying what I eat is important to me doing this for a lifetime, I won’t sacrifice satiety or satisfaction.

Some Life Changes

Update: I stopped looking for a friends with benefits. I am too busy to even care about entertaining a man. LOL I’m still with my long distance boyfriend though and I don’t even have time for him.

I am really happy today and excited about life.

I am done with school for the semester because I did so well on my exams that my professor said I didn’t have to take the final exam and I don’t have to return to class.

I’m feeling grateful that I lost that job last week. I want to take a break from the 9-5 life because it was exhausting waking up at 3 am to exercise for 3 hours. Then going to work. By the time I got home at 5:15 pm I would just eat dinner and go to bed at 6pm. I was doing that 5 days a week. It was too much.

My sister asked me if that’s how I wanted to live my life and I said No.

So I’m going to take a break.

I’m adjusting my sleep pattern to go to bed later (around 9:30 pm) and wake up at around 5:30 pm. I think that will give me a more balanced life.

Plus my mom wants to go see drag queens at 8pm in a week or so and I want to be able to stay up past 8 pm so I can go.

Last night I fell asleep at 8pm and today I woke up at 5 am.

Just need to adjust a little more and then that will be perfect.

I ended up having to adjust my calories even more cause I was STILL gaining weight. Now I’ve adjusted them to 2000 a day, and for the first time in a week, I lost 1/2 a pound. Hopefully I can stay at this caloric limit. Plus I still exercise 2.5 hours a day.

For an income I will be managing my sisters career and there is another music artist who is interested in me managing him.

And most excitingly I am starting my own business. So I think I’ve mentioned before that I cook all the meals for me, my mom and my sister. I hooked them up with my personal trainer. I also keep them accountable to this healthy lifestyle and I also began calling one of my brothers who lives in New Orleans to make sure he is walking every day. He wants to lose weight too.

Anyway, my sister ended up telling her friend how much I was helping her get back on track with her health and her friend said she would pay me to do the same for her.

My sister suggested I start a business doing this.

So, I am starting an Accountability Coaching business.

I am currently designing my website. I have some of it completed but I have a lot more to do on it. My website is at http://www.vickinicole.com

Take a look at it and if you have some advice for what I should add to it, please leave me a comment.

I’m excited to make a business out of something I enjoy doing for free.

I’m excited to help people live their best life.

Confused

I was gaining weight so I dropped my calories to 2200

Today I gained another pound

I don’t know what’s happening with my body

I’m thinking that my calories were not accurate

yesterday for breakfast, as I do every Saturday, I have a treat

I had waffles with cookie butter on 2 and nutella on 1

I think I didn’t accurately put how much cookie butter and nutella was on the waffles

I order them from the restaurant downstairs, so I was just estimating

so I adjusted my calories for that and I ate about 2600 calories yesterday

but myfitnesspal says I still should have had a 200 calorie deficit

I also adjusted my sleep

my sister has these melatonin gummies that really knock me out

I slept so good last night that I don’t need coffee this morning

yet I gained a pound

I don’t know what’s going on

I’ve decided to lower my calories even more

I’m dropping them to 2000 a day

I mean if the weight loss equation is calories in have to be less than calories out then I just need less calories in and more calories out. I’m going to adjust my cardio to 2 hours a day, I was doing 1.5 hours a day. Should be a bit easier now to do 2 hours. I don’t have to wake up as early since I am not working. And I can do cardio after strength training with my personal trainer. I was doing it before seeing her because I had to run to work after our session together. But that’s not an issue now, so I will do cardio after seeing her for 2 hours.

I hope these changes work and help me lose weight cause I am at my wit’s end with this weight gain.

A little hope

Finally today I see a little progress in the weight loss department.

Yesterday I weighed 234 pounds.

Today, I weigh 230 pounds.

I think getting some sleep but also dropping my calories is what made the difference.

I dropped my calories to 2200.

I removed yogurt from my morning snack, so I will just have blueberries for my morning snack. I’m so concerned that I will be hungry though.

I removed almonds from my afternoon snack. I don’t think I will be hungry though because I still have the protein water and cracker jack’s for my afternoon snack.

I’ve been having a rough time getting and staying asleep, even though I go to bed at 6:30 pm during the week. I just lay in bed with my eyes closed for hours without falling asleep. I turned off the tv and don’t bring the computer to bed anymore. I also don’t listen to music when I am trying to sleep anymore. But I still have a rough time staying asleep. I think my sleep pays a big role in whether or not I lose weight.

Today I overslept , cause I had such a rough sleep last night. I couldn’t wake up in time to do my cardio before strength training. I am about to do my strength training right now with my sister and my trainer.

Consistent and Gaining

So for the entire past week I stayed consistent on my eating plan and exercise and I did not binge. However I gained 2 pounds this week.

What this tells me is that my calories are too high at 2500 per day. I don’t have the deficit that I should have. I’ve decided to drop 100 daily calories. I did this by removing some creamer. I’ve been using a lot of creamer because I started drinking coffee but also I use it in my oatmeal. I have decided to only use 1 T in my coffee and none in my oat meal. This removes a little over 100 calories from my daily intake. So my calories will be about 2400 a day. I’m hesitant to remove more calories at this time, cause I don’t want to get to where I am craving and binging again.

For my deficit I am aiming for burning 400 calories per day, Monday – Friday. I get on the treadmill for 2 hours and then I do 1 hour of strength training with my personal trainer.

Now it is possible that I have finally started creating muscle, since I’ve been strength training for 4 months at this point. A lot of people say muscle weighs more than fat but in reality a pound of muscle is the same as a pound of fat. The difference is how those pounds look on your body. A pound of muscle looks smaller on your body, if you sit a pound of muscle next to a pound of fat, the fat is way bigger. But it’s still just a pound. Also I think it is deceptive to say muscle weighs more than fat and that could be why someone is gaining weight or not losing weight. The reason I say that is because muscle is an active tissue which helps you burn calories. So if anything when you have more muscle you should be losing more weight.

I also think I will come on my period this week, so that could be another reason I gained. But we will see about that.

If I don’t come on my period and I gain weight this upcoming week, I’m going to have to consider dropping another 100 calories and the only way I know to do that is to remove my 100 calorie pack of almonds from my afternoon snack. I really don’t want to do that because my snacks prevent me from binging and being hungry. I would still have my cracker jacks and protein water for my afternoon snack though.

I just finished meal prepping our lunches for the upcoming week. We are having vegan coconut curry over rice.

I will meal prep dinner in a couple of hours, I’m taking a break. For dinner we will have roasted vegetables over quinoa with a lil feta and hummus in it. I’ve never made this meal with quinoa, I usually use basmati rice, but since we are having rice for lunch, I wanted our base for dinner to be something else.

Food For Love

This week has been really busy. I started a new job doing accounting for a school.

I’ve been cooking and meal prepping for me, my sister and my mom.

I am turning into a good cook. I like feeding people, it’s a good expression of love and nurturing.

My lease is up for this apartment but I am going to renew the lease. The price is going up on the apartment but I plan to get a roommate in August to pay for half the rent. My sister said she will stay until I find a roommate, so that relieves some pressure.

I considered not renewing the lease and moving to a cheaper apartment, but I realized that I would have to change my life too much to do that and I am trying to be consistent and on a good path. One issue is that I meet my personal trainer every day in the gym here. I dont have to leave the building to meet her. Most other apartments, you have to leave your apartment to go to the gym. That can be unmotivating especially in the winter. The other issue is that I started cooking because I love this kitchen. I’m worried if I move and I don’t like the kitchen, I will stop cooking again. I dont want to regress. This place is super motivating psychologically. Another issue is I have a bunch of stuff mounted to the wall and really high up curtains. I would have to hire someone to remove and take down all that stuff. That could cost $200. I would also have to hire movers, which could be expensive. And the most important thing is that my credit score ha dropped significantly because I lost my job 3 weeks ago and couldn’t pay on any of my credit cards or debt. I don’t think I could be approved for an apartment anywhere at this point. I won’t have that problem if I just stay here.

I am still over 230 pounds. I ‘ve been having a good consistent 400 calorie deficit this week, so I should have lost more weight than I have. But 230 pounds is a set point for me. So my body is resisting weight loss. This exact same thing happened in 2020 when I got to around 230 pounds. My body wants to stay there. I just have to be super consistent to move past it. My calories over all are pretty high at 2500 a day. I try to burn 400 calories a day with exercise so I have a deficit.

We will see what happens.

230 Set Point

I have 4 set points

170 pounds

230 pounds

270 pouds

310 pounds

My body has been pushing me towards my 230 set point and last week it succeeded

I got up to 238 pounds

I’ve been working my ass off in the gym to get that back down ever since

Today I weigh 232 pounds

This morning I did 3 hours of cardio and 45 minutes of strength training

I can’t restrict my calories anymore, my body doesn’t like restriction. So my daily caloric goal is 2500 calories

I like to have a 500 calorie deficit and that requires about 2 1/2 hours of cardio a day

As for binge eating

I ate so much on Saturday that I got physically ill

I was overstuffed

I had labored breathing just from being over stuffed

I had to lay down for 5 hours before I felt better

Other than that the only binge eating I’ve been doing is my late night snack

I allow myself to have strawberries and whipped cream as a late night snack

It’s portioned out and meal prepped in my fridge

Lately I’ve been having two bowls of that, once at 8pm (I eat dinner at 5pm and I go to bed at 6:00 pm) and once around 1:00 am

That is a pretty low calorie snack, so if I’m going to binge on anything it should be that, the only problem is that it pushes my calories above 2500. So because of that I’ve been doing extra cardio everyday.

Hopefully eventually I will stop eating 2 servings of the strawberries and whipped cream

but for now, while I am trying to get a healthier relationship with food, I’m basically going along with what my body wants me to eat. So I scheduled in the 2 servings of strawberries and whipped cream. This makes my calories 2,600 per day. So for now when I workout I try to burn at least 550 calories. Today I burned 650 calories.

This is easier to do this week because I am not working. I lost my job. So I am spending extra time in the gym doing cardio.

One I get a job, I will have to cut back to 2 hours of cardio plus my 45 minute strength training. Hopefully when that happens I can go back to only eating 1 serving of strawberries and whipped cream per night.

I am losing about 1 pound per day. So hopefully this week I can get back below 230 pounds

I want to weigh 200 pounds by May 20, when I go to Arizona to see my boyfriend.

227

I got to almost 230 pounds over the weekend. 230 pounds is one of my set points.

So my set points are:

170 pounds

230 pounds

170 pounds

310 pounds

Those are the weights my body likes to settle at.

In the past 2 days I lost 7 pounds, so now I am below 220 again.

I am keeping my calories pretty high. They are at 2450 and I can eat a little more than that during the week since I work out for 90 minutes a day during the week. 45 minutes of cardio and 45 minutes of strength training with my personal trainer. Who by the way is one of the best investments I have ever made.

I’ve had trainers before but they lived far away and it was a struggle getting in to see them 2-3 times a week.

My trainer, Taylor, comes to me every morning at 5:30 am and she kicks my ass.

I just walked in the house from my workout and I am smelly and sweaty. I never sweat in a workout.