New Goal

I’ve been on this weight loss path since September 23, 2018

9 months

I’ve lost 36 pounds, which means I’ve averaged a 4 pound loss per month

so that is my new goal, just to lose a little less than 1 pound each week or 3.5 – 4 pounds each month

I think it should be really easy for me to do because that leaves me room to have a cupcake here and there, and to eat past my caloric goal when I go out with the girls on Wednesdays for dinner

Hopefully I can lose 42 pounds per year for the next 3 years, if so I will reach my weight goal which is between 150 – 170 pounds in 3 years

Hopefully the stress from Graduate School won’t throw me into a food frenzy

Also hopefully I won’t have to move to go to Graduate School, that can change my eating habits too

I just want to stay where I am and keep doing what I’m doing towards progress

If I can stay the course, I won’t even need weight loss surgery

Although I do have plans for other plastic surgery and body modifications after I lose all my weight

I want liposuction on my back rolls and my lower abs,  a breast lift and a nose job, maybe a fat transfer to my butt. I ant my teeth whitened and straightened, maybe have to get veneers. I also want a good weave, microblading and eyelash extensions, maybe botox and filler but we’ll see what my face looks like after I lose weight cause I’ll be 50 years old if I reach my goal

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Am I body positive?

I consider myself to be a body positive person. Some in the Body Positive movement would say I am not because I want to change my body, specifically I want my body to be smaller and I would love to be able to run without hurting my joints and knees. I want to be able to run cause my lungs will get stronger and my heart will work more efficiently.

I watched this video today titled: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIvKpoPxMv8

The “Body Positivity” Movement Was Hijacked to Celebrate Obesity.

I posted the following comment under it:

“I’m in my late 40’s and morbidly obese. I’ve been obese about 17 years. 2 years ago, when I was 310 pounds I started seeing Dr. Nowzaradan, the bariatric surgeon from the ‘600 pound life’ tv show in Houston. After doing a bunch of tests including sleep apnea test and putting me to sleep to stick a scope down my throat to my stomach, he did so much different testing on me searching for a problem. I even did a Vo2 max test. Eventually I was denied weight loss surgery by him because he said my insurance won’t approve someone as healthy as me. I have no co-morbidities. I don’t have high cholesterol, I don’t have high blood pressure, I am not even pre-diabetic. I was very upset because I desperately want weight loss surgery still, even now, but I can’t afford it without insurance. So now I go to therapy every week and work on eating better. Since doing that I’ve lost 35 pounds. I’m 5’6” and as of today weigh 275 pounds. I am body positive but I also want to have a smaller body. I don’t celebrate being obese but I celebrate the fact that I look good no matter what size I am and according to my doctors I’m healthy and that is something to celebrate as well. I work at a plus size clothing store and we tell people to love themselves and don’t assume that your body is a problem. You can want to be healthier, but I don’t think people should be pointing at obese people saying “OMG you’re unhealthy” especially if their DOCTOR who knows their specific health information says they are healthy. People should be body positive enough to not take a random person on the internet’s opinion that all obesity cannot coexist with health and go to their doctors , who are experts on health, to find out if they are healthy or not. I personally disagree with the notion that you can’t be obese and healthy. Maybe I won’t always be healthy in the future, but in this present time, I am morbidly obese and HEALTHY”

By the way last night I ate so much candy that I made myself sick. It was those mini peppermint patties. Yea I can’t buy any food that is possible to eat all at once. So no chips, no crackers, no peanut butter, no candy, no box of cookies, no entire cake or pies. If I could moderate eating that stuff I would have no problem, but I can’t or won’t. I want it all in my belly right now.

Today I had lost a pound and a half since Sunday. Being on my period inflates my numbers anyway.

Today I went to Mad Taco with my mom. I had two blackened shrimp tacos and a frozen margarita. Yum! My mom paid for my tacos and I paid $5 for my margarita. Leaving me with $10 in my “eating out” budget this week.

I also went and got my pedicure, yay my feet look great. I am happy.

Now I need to buckle down tonight and study for this GRE. I hate studying for the GRE. I’d rather watch youtube.

Progress on Project Eat Cheap

Half the month is over and I have only spent $186 on food including groceries and eating out. I have all my groceries and sparkling water bought for the next week. I think I’ve done well with sticking to my new lower budget. It hasn’t been easy though, I’ve had to deny myself smoothies at work and today I passed the cupcake shop up.

This week my meetup group is eating at Fuddruckers and that place isn’t expensive. I met a lady at a coffee shop yesterday so I’ve already eaten out once this week, I spent $10 on frozen coffee and cheesecake. I have $15 left in my budget for eating out this week so I will use that at Fuddruckers on Wednesday.

I haven’t gained or lost weight in 3 weeks. Been maintaining at 277 lbs. I’m on my period this week, so I feel a little bloated. Hopefully I will drop a couple of pounds once my period is over.

As far as overall shopping. I didn’t do that great but it’s not as bad as in the past. I bought 2 pair of shoes that totaled $46 and I also bought some face oil from Target that cost $24, what I spent a chunk on was a 3 month match.com subscription for $52. It was a good deal but I definitely didn’t have that money in my budget. I bought some necklaces from H&M and Forever 21 for $28, I bought a deck of cards for $10 because I started a card group with some girls I met on next-door.com, and then I bought 6 belts from Torrid for $14 which I thought was a great price. So that’s like $175 that I spent that was not in my budget. I’ve done worse in the past, but I gotta get this miscellaneous spending way down. So to compensate for what I spent, I am not getting my hair done for two months, thats $150 savings and I am not getting a manicure, but i am in desperate need of a pedicure. Can’t have nasty looking feet in the summer. I’ll probably go get that tomorrow. I also cut out the cleaning lady for my bathroom for awhile. It sucks but I gotta save money.

Hopefully my total budget this month will be on target, since I cut some stuff out.

I’ve been studying more regularly for the GRE using the Princeton Review online prep course. I am really behind on Math and I don’t know ANY geometry. I never took a geometry class.  Trying to learn Math at this age is kind of difficult but I will. Also the Verbal section of the GRE is not too bad although there are definitely some words I do not know the meaning of. But the essay section I predict will be the most difficult for me. I can learn all the other subjects, but figuring out what to write in a 30 minute essay is just not something that comes easy to me.

Cheaper Food

I’ve been trying to find ways to lower my food bill. I spent over $600 on food in May. That is absolutely absurd. My budget is already high, $400 a month is what I had budgeted for food. Now I’m going to try to reduce my food budget to $300 a month or $75  week. $25 for eating out and $50 for groceries weekly. I can buy 14 microwave meals for $42 and buy my sparkling water and oatmeal and that’s $50.

I was going to try to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead of all that microwave food to save some money, so I gave it a try and unfortunately I overeat on those sandwiches. They are 300 calories each. Last night I ate 3 of them AFTER dinner. My calories yesterday was 3200. So no more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Can’t trust myself with them.

My mom took me to this inconspicuous store near campus and they have all kinds of Indian food for $3. All different kinds, it’s awesome. So I will be buying that every week for my microwave meals. They have paneer paratha, they have these sandwich wraps, all kinds of stuff, its so cool.

Anyway, so far this week I’ve spent less than $25 cause my mom bought me food last week which i’m still eating.

Life or something like it

Today, I left my bedroom once to go get groceries. Besides that I slept all day while watching Income Property on Youtube. I talked to my boyfriend and my sister tonight.

I was complaining about my finances to my sister. She suggested I start meditating and change my outlook on life. My finance troubles are hopefully temporary. Till I get my Masters degree and a good job. I don’t feel attractive without getting my hair done professionally in this style I like. I only get my hair done every two months. I hate cleaning bathrooms so I pay a housekeeper to clean mine once a month. I go out to dinner once a week with the girls for my social life. I get a mani/pedi once a month.If I stopped all these things I would save myself  $275 a month. I don’t want to give these things up because I feel like they contribute to me not being depressed. I was depressed for so long and suicidal and I don’t want to get to that place again. I feel like I am at a equilibrium because I have these things in place in my life. I don’t feel depressed, I just feel a little anxious about my finances and putting everything on credit cards.

I studied a little for the GRE.

I did a guided meditation for 10 minutes but my mind kept wandering. I think it takes a few practices of meditation before you focus on breaths and stuff like that. This is the guided meditation I did. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p_yaNFSYao

I don’t know if I like meditating or not. I will try it a few more times to see.

Diet Part 2 is over

I’m done with dieting for awhile. This morning the scale was really low, but I ate like crap today, so I’m sure that will change.

I went to therapy today. We are trying to get to the root of my overspending issue. I know that is a symptom of being bipolar but we need to figure out the why so I can stop it.

I had cupcakes for breakfast and a black bean burger with potato wedge fries at my concert. Then I had the most expensive vodka and cranberry I have ever paid for. 😦

My concert was awesome. I liked my seats. I was close to the second stage in the stands in row 4. Girls kept stopping me to tell me my dress was fabulous. I got stopped so many times, I was like “omg I’m cute”. lol  This one girl told me my dress was distracting her, lol

I missed the beginning of the concert cause I was in a long line to get a drink. I forgot that NKOTB are the first ones on stage. The concert was a mixture of all the acts coming out at different times throughout the show. There was no real opener or closer. Tiffany has a great voice still. Debbie Gibson is so perky, I liked Salt N Pepa, but I could have done without Naughty By Nature. NKOTB was awesome as usual. I only saw Jon make one choreography mistake, which was a bummer cause I love watching Jon make mistakes throughout the show. He’s my favorite, I love that man so much. Donnie took off his shirt and I was mesmerized by his abs. He’s almost 50 with a ridiculous 6 pack. Danny’s birthday was today and he is still breakdancing at his age. These guys do not age. Joe McIntyre came to my section during one of the songs. Also, Joey does the absolute MOST when singing “please don’t go girl” He still sounds good too. This was the first time I stayed through ‘Hanging Tough”, It’s usually the last song so I leave to beat the crowd. But I stayed for it this time and thank god I did cause they all sang 80’s Baby after Hanging Tough, so I left during that instead.

I got lost coming home, as usual. I always get lost coming to College Station from Houston.

Do you guys think I should continue posting what I eat?

Day 58: diet Part 2

Well tomorrow is my NKOTB concert and I  didn’t make my weight loss goal

I’m not wearing those jeans anyway, so it doesn’t matter

I’m wearing a sequin dress and sparkly shoes

I’m only 5 pounds away from my diet part 2 goal anyway, so I’m not depressed or anything

what I ate today:

Breakfast: Amy’s Breakfast Country Bake (420 cal)

Lunch: Sweet Earth General Tso’s Tofu (330 cal), Lemon vodka (130 cal), Sweet tea vodka (138 cal)

Dinner: Amy’s thai green curry (360 cal)

Total calories for the day: 1,378