I will never try to lose weight again

Without surgery.

I will not attempt weight loss with ought surgery again because as I’ve suspected My body wants to be fat and I am fighting against it every time I try to lose weight and a new article in the New York Times explains how it all works in fine details.

I do want weight loss surgery, it is the only thing that will work and I can maintain.

Emergency Surgery

Wednesday, I had a lot of pain in my side of my stomach, then I vomited and it went away

Friday at like 2am, I had the same pain again except it was worse
it wouldn’t go away

so at 4am I drove myself to the hospital emergency room
they kept me waiting for 2-1/2 hours in immense pain. I thought I was literally dying, I was crying and begging for help but they wouldn’t help me
Finally they admitted me in the E.R. and I begged for pain killers so they gave me a shot of morphine
then they sent me for a ultrasound and that damn thing hurt so bad from her pressing on my side of my stomach
After that I told them the morphine wasn’t working and I needed more so they gave me a double shot of morphine and YES! that finally worked, I wasn’t feeling anything!
Then the doctor came in and he said I had gallstones and my gall bladder was infected and it needed to come out
I was like “what do you mean it needs to come out?”
He said “you need to have emergency surgery to remove your gall bladder”.
I was so scared y’all
I’ve never had surgery before.
So they checked me into the Observation Unit. I had my own room. It was pretty comfortable, had cable tv, I finally got something to eat at like 7pm, a nasty dry ass grilled chicken sandwich, with grape juice and a lemon italian ice

Little did I know that would be my last meal for half a day.
They told me I couldn’t eat anything after 12 midnight

The next day, I was so hungry, I got pissed off. I called my mom and told her I was mad cause I was hungry.

Oh yea everyone came to see me. Both my aunts, my uncle, mrdeee, Marlie.

I took a shower prior to surgery cause I just felt nasty.

Finally around 1:30 pm they came and took me down to prep for surgery. They used these chemical pads to wipe my entire body down. They told me what would happen during surgery and the anesthesiologist came ad explained what she would do.

Finally around 3:30 they took me into the surgery room, it was surreal. First I was talking to them, then literally seconds later I was completely out.
The next thing I remember is them waking me up from surgery. For some reason I kept asking if they gave me stitches. They said no, but I got a couple of stitches inside.

The surgeon cut 4 small incisions into my abdomen, then he used the laparoscopy robot to remove my gall bladder. All in all the surgery took about 2 hours.

Then they took me back to my room and I slept there over night, they gave me iv’s with fluids and antibiotics

The next day the surgeon came in and he said “honey, your liver is 3x’s the size that it should be and it’s plastered against your abdominal wall”.

That scared the crap out of me.

He said I need to lose wight to shrink my liver.
I can’t eat cake anymore, I can’t eat fried foods. I gotta eat low fat, low calorie foods.
I got out the hospital Sunday, My aunt picked me up and I stayed at her house for 2 days.
I liked staying at my aunts house, I got waited on hand and foot. They made me food and brought me hot tea because my throat hurt from them sticking a breathing tube down my throat during the surgery.
Anyway, I didn’t poop for 5 days. Finally today I came home and as soon as I came home, the first thing I did was poop. What a relief that was. I thought I was gonna be impacted but nope it came out.

I’m doing ok now, I’m not in any pain. It feels a little uncomfortable when I breathe in or yawn.

So that was my weekend.

Moving to Indonesia

So it looks like I will be moving to Indonesia in August of this year. My sister is already there in the Peace Corp. I’ve been emerging myself in Indonesia facts and information via youtube and an expat forum. The big thing is I need to get rid of all my stuff, from furniture down to panties even my car, I have so much stuff, I have stacks and stacks of unused unworn clothes and shoes. It’s ridiculous. I’m selling Sizes 18 – 24 of everything in clothes and size 10-11 in shoes. I have flats, I have heels, I have sandals, I have boots, I have over 60 pairs of shoes. I will be listing my stuff on EBay, so check out my link if you may be interested. http://www.ebay.com/usr/vnmdc

New Years

I thought I’d post my new years eve photos.

Every year for New Years I go to this huge party that is held by the Phoenix Singles meetup group. It is loads of fun and you meet so many people.

I got all dressed up in a seductive low cut red dress from Avenue. I do my makeup once a year and only on New Years Eve. I wore sparkly glitter eyeshadow. I forgot to put on jewelry.I wore my hair natural which is this curly afro thing.

Enjoy the pics.

My 600 pound life

I’m watching my 600 lb life, this lady is almost 800 pounds , I’m worried I’m gonna get like that but I refuse to diet anymore cause every time I do I binge eat and gain more weight. In 2012 i lost 70 pounds then i gained back 84 pounds. Every time I try I fail and then I gain more weight than I lost in the first place and if I keep trying to lose weight I’m gonna weigh 600 pounds so I don’t want to try any more without surgery

TRIP to LA

I forgot to mention that in July, I took a trip to Los Angeles to visit my mom who was there for work. I took a Greyhound bus there and we stayed at the Holiday Inn in Santa Monica. I loved the location of the hotel, it was in the middle of everything. We stayed for a whole week. I arrived in LA on a Sunday. I heard that pimps try to pick up young girls at the los angeles greyhound station, so I told my mom to stay away from the pimps. LOL

The hotel had free breakfast everyday, so we would get up around 8am every morning and go have pancakes, eggs, turkey sausage, cinnamon rolls, yogurt, any kind of juice. Not all at once, lol, but different stuff each day. Mom ate oatmeal every morning.

My mom was busy most of the days doing work at UCLA so I had the rental car while she was there. Tuesday night me and mom went to the famous Roscoes Chicken and Waffle. Not the original location but the closest one to Santa Monica. 

Roscoes waffle and chicken

The first couple of days (Monday and Tuesday) I would drop her off at UCLA then go back to the hotel and sleep till it was time to pick her up. After awhile I got tired of that though so I decided to venture out.

Wednesday I asked my friend Hailey of Discourse of a Divine Diva where I could find the NKOTB star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. We are both New Kids on the Block super fans (Did I ever mention that I saw NKOTB in concert for my birthday this past May? It was great) She gave me the address (The star is located at 7072 Hollywood Boulevard.) and I decided to drive into Los Angeles to see it in person. Let me tell you, it was a long drive and on my way in I saw Lisa Vanderpumps PUMP bar and I was so hyped. It took me about a half hour to get there from Santa Monica cause I had no idea where i was going but I had my trusty GPS. I got close tot he address and I parked in a tow-away zone. I made my way across Hollywood Blvd and walked until THERE IT WAS.

NKOTB Hollywood Walk of Fame Star

Right above it was

Backstreet Boys star on Hollywood walk of fame

I was super excited to whip out my iPhone and get these pictures. I love both bands and have seen them both in concert atleast a dozen times. After I got the picture it was anti climactic and I was like “well what else can I do since I drove all this way.” Right then this guy walked up to me and handed me a flyer for a hollywood tour. I didn’t have much money and he old me that normally the tour was $40 but he would let me on for $20. I jumped at that and called my boyfriend and asked him to send me via PayPal some money for the tour and parking which he did right away. Parking cost $17.

Hollywood Tour van

The tour van was this lil rink dink operation but it was cool. The van was filled with people, mostly foreigners from Asia and France plus lil ole me. Our tour guide was great, he had a thick Italian accent but he was really funny pointing out all the stars homes. We drove ALL the way up in the Hollywood Hills and stopped at the Hollywood sign to get out and take pictures. When I got out I realized that my shoe strap had broken and I could not walk in these shoes so I asked to get back on the van, so I didn’t get to see the Hollywood sign. We were only there for a few minutes and then we were back on the road driving down the hill, it was a lil scary these really narrow roads and these high hills. I couldn’t live in those Hills , the height scared me. Then he drove us around Beverly Hills and showed us more stars homes, like Eddie Murphy and the old Frank Sinatra house stuff like that. We went by the Kardashian’s Dash store. The guide was really excited about showing us these ritzy expensive cars that I don’t really . care about. We went down Rodeo drive and Sunset Blvd. All in all it was a nice 2 hour tour for $20 bucks. not really worth $40

Every night me and mom would eat somewhere nice, we had a great thai meal at this one restaurant that we walked to in Santa Monica.

Thursday after dropping mom off I drove down santa monica blvd till I reached the Santa Monica pier, I parked, again parking was expensive at $17 but I really wanted to see everything. I walked to the overhang that overlooks the beach  I wasn’t dressed appropriately to go on the beach but it was nice to sit out there and watch. I walked around the Third Street promenade where there was loads of shopping. I ate lunch at this cute little restaurant called Simply Salads. It was the best salad ever. BBQ chicken salad with loads of green stuff. It was a really nice outing even though I was alone. Would have been better with someone.

That’s really all I did while in L.A. Next time I would like to take a movie studio tour and go watch some game show productions.

It was a great week spent with my mom, we had fun.

Life Interrupted

In June I lost my job. Less than a week later my car broke down. The transmission went kaput and the motor zonked out. Both of these events put a halt on my plans for my life in general. I had some photo shoots I had to cancel because I didn’t have a way to get there. I don’t have money to do anything but pay my basic bills and even that might be coming to a halt or interruptis soon. This is depressing. I haven’t been leaving the house much because it’s 110 degrees out here in Phoenix.

Bless my boyfriend. He still finds me attractive even though he says he’s worried about my health sine I don’t exercise. I’ve been walking a couple times a week when it’s not too hot. He still tells me I’m sexy even though I had my double chin.

I would really like to do more with this blog. More fashion posts and stuff like that, but when you don’t leave the house there is no need to get dressed. My only thing about doing fashion posts is I’m not the greatest at expounding on stuff like that. Explaining the details and things like that. Writing these blogs I just say whatever pops into my mind but writing about fashion is different. Also I have a ok older camera but I don’t know if it’s good enough for picture posts. I was using my iPhone but someone told me my pictures were bad quality, so I have to use a better camera and get someone who knows how to take pictures for me.

I’m back to eating cereal again. Lots of chocolate chex. Its just the easiest thing to eat. I still have my Healthy Choice meals for dinner and Peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. I’ve been craving salads but I can’t get to a Trader Joe’s to get some so I’ve been to the Denny’s down the street a couple of times for there yummy avocado chicken salad. I haven’t weighed myself in months.