mental eating

I need to find out why I’m eating these extremely high calorie foods and figure out how to stop

i have no will power

I ate an entire jar of Planters honey roasted peanuts in the middle of last night, over 1,000 calories of just peanuts

Alot of this eating high calorie foods is happening at night when I’m in bed, etc..

There has to be a mental reason behind this, but I don’t know what it is

I am really struggling with this.


Am I a Rebel?

I’m reading this self help book my sister recommended titled:

Better Than Before – Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives

First of all I hate reading self help books, second of all the author of this book is very long winded. I’m like “just get to the point already”.

Some excerpts from the book:

The author states there are 4 types of people and knowing which type of person you are can help you form good habits and cease bad habits. Not everyone forms habits the same way.

She sought answers to questions such as:

  • Why do some people dread and resist habits, while others adopt them eagerly?
  • Why do so many successful dieters regain their lost weight, plus more?

She says just about everyone falls into one of four distinct groups:

  1. Upholders respond readily to both outer expectations and inner expectations.
  2. Questioners question all expectations, and will meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified.
  3. Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations (my friend on the track team).
  4. Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike.

My sister thinks I may be a Rebel, but I’m not sure. I’m not a rebel with everything, but I think with Diet and Exercise, I may be.  Rebels choose to act from a sense of choice, of freedom. Rebels wake up and think, “What do I want to do today?” They resist control, even self-control, and enjoy flouting rules and expectations.

Rebels work toward their own goals, in their own way, and while they refuse to do what they’re “supposed” to do, they can accomplish their own aims.

But Rebels often frustrate others because they can’t be asked or told to do anything. In fact, asking or telling Rebels to do something often makes them do just the opposite.

Rebels sometimes frustrate even themselves, because they can’t tell themselves what to do.

Rebels resist hierarchies and rules, but surprisingly, some Rebels gravitate to institutions with many rules. As one commenter noted, “Letting others have control can bring freedom as well. You’d probably find more Rebels in the military than you’d suspect.”

No surprise—Rebels resist habits, but they can embrace habit-like behaviors by tying their actions to their choices.

Most people, by a huge margin, are Questioners or Obligers. Very few are Rebels, and, the Upholder category is also tiny.

One is born either to “go with or to go against”. Our Tendencies are hardwired, and while they can be offset to some degree, they can’t be changed.  Yet whatever our Tendency, with greater experience and wisdom, we can learn to counterbalance its negative aspects.

The happiest and most successful people are those who have figured out ways to exploit their Tendency to their benefit and, just as important, found ways to counterbalance its limitations.


Many strategies help us change our habits, and four strategies tower above the others: Monitoring, Foundation, Scheduling, and Accountability.

The Strategy of Scheduling works for most people—but not for Rebels.

The Strategy of Monitoring has an uncanny power. It doesn’t require change, but it often leads to change.

We manage what we monitor. I can attest to this as I MONITOR my calories daily. Keeping close track of our actions means we do better in categories such as eating, drinking, exercising, working, TV and Internet use, spending  and just about anything else.

Self-measurement brings self-awareness, and self awareness strengthens our self-control.

A lil Gain

I gained 1.4 pounds this week.

It makes sense, I ate way over my calories for about a week according to MyFitnessPal. The high calorie food I eat is the main culprit. I’m going to see what I can do to not make it as bad.

For instance I want a McDonalds vanilla shake right now. I can get a small one but that will still be about 550 calories. So I can choose not to get the fries and sandwich to go with it which would make my calories rise for just that meal to about 1500 calories. Almost my max for the day.

Theres got to be a way to make choices that lessen the impact.

High Calorie

From viewing myFitnessPal I see what my issue is eating wise.

I don’t necessarily overeat regularly  or binge eat regularly, although I do occasionally. When I do OVEReat, it’s usually sweets, like chocolate, candy, cookies.

What I do is eat extremely high calorie foods regularly. That is the food I enjoy. I don’t cook so not willing to make substitutions.

Yesterday for instance:

Breakfast – Acai Primo Bowl from Jamba Juice (490 calories): A tasty twist of Açaí juice, soymilk, blueberries, strawberries and bananas, which we top with organic granola, fresh bananas, fresh blueberries, coconut and a drizzle of honey.

Lunch: Chicken Luncheables (300 calories)

Dinner: Wingstop: 8 chicken wings with season fries, blue cheese and sweet tea (1674 calories). What I could have done differently is order the 6 piece instead of 8 piece and I could have not gotten sweet tea that would have cut about 435 calories

Snack: Smart Ones Santa Fe Rice & Beans (260 calories), 2 strawberry popcicles (70 calories)

Total calories yesterday : 2,794 calories (that is 833 calories over my maximum allowed by MyFitnessPal to lose 1 pound per week)

This is a regular occurrence. Last Tuesday and Wednesday I went over my calories because of pizza hut. Last Monday I went over my calories cause of Starbucks lemon pound cake and vent macchiato.  Last saturday I went over my calories because of french toast. The friday before that I went over my calories because of a vanilla milkshake from Jack in the box. Before that it was Popeyes. I might be eating out more because of the stress with my job/income or my medication or just my life in general. I spent $103 on food the last 7 days. My budget is to spend about $75 – $100 each week on food that includes eating out, take out, delivery, liquor and groceries.

I do have days when I eat rather healthily and under my calories. I’m just not sure if it balances out. We will see if I gain weight.

One thing I have tried the past week is drinking more water instead of the zero calorie ice tea and 15-calorie Lemonade/Fruit Punch. I bought a huge case of bottled water from Sams Club and I drink maybe 1-2 bottles (16.9 fl oz) of water a day.

I’m Losing weight

I weighed myself today and my weight is 283 pounds.

I lost 4 pounds since February 9. So I suppose I’m losing about 1 pound per week, which interesting enough is the Weekly GOAL I set on MyFitnessPal months ago.

I diligently record my calories on MyFitnessPal, that’s the ONLY activity I’m doing towards weight loss. I’m not dieting, I’m not restricting calories.

I had a couple days where I went way over on my calories. I ate 800 calories OVER my goal on one day in particular. I ordered a bunch of chocolate that day via my online grocery shopping, so online shopping doesn’t prevent me from eating junk.

Last week I joined a gym. I’m already having buyers remorse because I have not been to the gym yet. I didn’t join for weight loss purposes. I joined because I’ve been off work and sitting around the house and I need something to do with my time. My therapist suggested this gym to take exercise classes to fill up my time. I am interested in the daily water aerobics class at this gym.  I just haven’t pulled it together mentally to get there so I hope this doesn’t end up being a waste of money.

It’s looking like I might have all the money to get my surgery within the next couple of months. We’ll see, I don’t know for sure, but if I do get the money soon like I’m hoping, I am so scared. I have to make the appointment with the surgeon in Mexico, buy plane tickets for me and my sister to go. The main thing I’m worried about is my money being stolen in Mexico or being a scammed. The second thing I’m worried about is after care. There is none when you get surgery in Mexico. I did research the doctor, it just all makes me nervous. It’s Dr. Armando Joya out of Puerto Vallarta, he performs his procedures at the Amerimed Hospital, a chain of hospitals dedicated to the medical tourism.

Today I ate:

Breakfast: Went with my mom and two sisters to a restaurant for brunch, where i ordered creme-brulee french toast. It was pretty good. I don’t know how many calories, I just used the highest number I could find on MyFitnessPal which is: 720. Also had a mimosa: 220 calories.

Lunch: I didn’t have a real lunch. I went to the movies with my family to see Black Panther in IMAX , this is my 4th time seeing the movie. I  had a few handfuls of popcorn: 239 and a frozen peach bellini: 282.

Dinner: I’m eating dinner now. Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers Chicken Margherita with Balsamic: 270 calories

Snack: 2 fudgesicle: 80 , dark chocolate covered raisins: 190 cal, Luncheables : 330

Total calories: 2331 (my daily goal is to eat 1940 calories max)


2018 Eating

I feel a lot better, got back on medication, started back at weekly therapy. A few other things are up in the air.

Eating plan has been going well overall. I had a couple days where I binge ate some junk, but I regretted it before even putting it in my mouth.

The thing is I had bought all this junk food, (sugar cookies, brownies, chocolate bar, Huge bag of peppermint patties) then when I got home I didn’t even want ANY of it.

I told my mom I didn’t want any of it and she said “take it to work”, but I had no idea when I was going to work. So I just ate it all within 2 days to get rid of it.

Now I don’t go inside grocery stores anymore (except to pickup prescriptions). I grocery shop online at Wal-Mart and Kroger. Then you just park and they know you’re there and they bring your groceries and put them in the trunk.

Anyway, so my only eating plan is just to eat under 2000 calories a day. I’ve been sticking to that for several months and I think that’s why I’ve been losing weight without even trying.

My appetite has been all over the place the last 3 weeks. Some days no appetite at all, some days like today, I’m starving.

Today I ate:

Breakfast: Oatmeal (210 cal), Chicken Apple Sausage breakfast burrito – (290 cal), Minute Maid Lemonade (150 cal) – about this Lemonade thing, I usually get the ’15 cal Lemonade’ which I prefer the taste of, but I shopped online with Wal-Mart and they said they were out of the ’15 cal Lemonade’ so they substituted this one. That’s the only issue I have with the online grocery shopping, if they are out of something they substitute instead of refunding.

Snack – Strawberry Chobani yogurt (120 cal)

Lunch – Beefy Mac n cheese (470 cal)

Snack – sugar free fudgsicle (40 cal)

Dinner – Amys broccoli and cheddar bake bowl (420 cal)

Total calories: 1700

The last time I got weighed was February 9 at my PCP office and I weighed 287. I’ll weigh myself after my period is over. I usually gain 5-7 lbs on my period.


7 whole days

Several things occurred in my life the past 7 days. I don’t want to go into detail on here because this blog is primarily about weight loss and being healthy. Overall I consider it to be a more positive blog.

I will say that I’m in the process of seeking medical treatment. I was in the hospital this week and that was making the situation worse, so I am going to seek other treatment.

In the hospital they weighed me and I was at 286 pounds. So I lost 7 pounds since I last posted my weight at 293 lbs back on January 7, 2018. It’s been a month and I didn’t TRY to lose that weight. Life stressors cut my appetite. However the hospital food was very fattening and I may have gained all that back.

I don’t know if I will still have a job after this.

If everything turns out ok, I have decided to start some form of exercise for mental health purposes. Previously I exercised for weight loss.

People say exercise helps your mind and I was never open to that because that wasn’t my experience. Maybe it will be different this time.

Gotta try everything.


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