Wednesday Therapy

I have therapy twice a week, with two different therapist

one on wednesdays with a white female student and one on thursdays with a black man

On wednesday I was telling my therapist that I am feeling a little disgusted by the collection of “stuff” I have accumulated in my room

I live in kinda a boarding house situation. It’s 4 bedrooms with private bathrooms and we share the kitchen and living room. We never go in the living room though, but I do film my YouTube videos from there.

Anyway so all of my stuff is in my bedroom and it’s overwhelming how much ‘stuff’ I have.

I almost feel like a hoarder, except all my “stuff” is new and organized

I am surrounded by shoes and lip balm

My mom ordered some Billy book shelves from IKEA for me to put all this stuff on and I think I will feel better when its all just on one side of the room in a book shelf

But for now it’s just too much

Today I sold 9 pair of shoes to the resale shops, just to get rid of some of this “stuff”

All the rest of the stuffI need to use to get rid of it

so I am taking more showers and making sure to do my skin care twice a day so I can get rid of some of the body care items I have

But I have over 50 lip balms in my lip balm collection and I figure it will take me 150 months, or 10 years to even get thru all that lip balm.

I told my therapist that now that I feel like I am done with shopping and I feel more in control of my life and my emotions all this “stuff” reminds me of my mental illness

Like it’s a symptom of being mentally unwell and I dont like seeing all this stuff all the time anymore

Todays therapy

Todays therapy session was really good

we discussed how I avoid black men cause they are a trigger for me and reminder of my stepfather

To be honest the thought of being with a black man grosses me out

I try to go for the opposite of my step father in every romantic situation

I don’t ever want to be reminded of him and how he effected my childhood which caused so many psychological issues for me

I tend to date men who remind me of my real father as far as putting me on a pedestal and complimenting and cherishing me and treating me like I am a princess

We also discussed how the chaos from my childhood impacted me

there was a lot of fighting between the adults, i remember a knife being pulled out once or twice and also there were so many children in the house and we moved around a lot.


I haven’t shopped in 5 days. The only things I’ve bought are groceries and some hair styling cream from Miss Jessie’s. Nothing else. I’m so proud of myself and it really hasn’t been difficult. Therapy can help you achieve miracles.

I also lost 7 of the 12 pounds I gained last week. I am sitting at 172 pounds today. 5 more pounds to lose by Sunday.

I’ve been walking 3+ hours every day.

Gained 10 pounds

OK I gained 10 pounds from my birthday sugary debauchery

My weight is 177.5 today.

I was expecting it to be 175 pounds, so I gained a little bit more than I was expecting

It’s ok

It will leave fast

I give it a week and it will all be gone

Probably by next Sunday, May 16, I’ll be back at 167.5

I want to get to 165 pounds by the end of May

keeping my fingers crossed

I’m done with cake

I think I am done with cake forever. Me and Cake used to be in a intense relationship, so it as my goal for the whole past year to have cake on my birthday.

Well the past 3 days I have had a lot of cake, and I realized today that cake and me have to break up. My body hates cake. I ate a bunch of birthday cake this morning, and I was on the phone with my therapist when I got dizzy and passed out. I had to resume the call a few minutes later.

So then after that I went to my mom’s house to take her a Mothers Day gift and some Grandma Rhea’s cookies and I started feeling groggy again.

So I laid down on her couch and slept for 2 hours.

That’s ridiculous.

So then I left my mom’s house and I felt like I wanted to eat something so I stopped at a random Mexican restaurant that said they had happy hour. I ordered two 99 cent bean and cheese tacos and a painkiller alcohol drink. The whole lunch cost $5. I felt a lot better after I ate that.

The point is, I’m done with cake for good. I will have something else for my birthday next year. Maybe just the peach cobbler and banana pudding and some cookies. I think I also want Popeyes biscuit, red beans and rice, seasoned fries and coleslaw for my birthday next year.

I can’t believe my body actually rejects cake now.

Amazing Birthday

I had an amazing birthday. My two best friends, Lisa and T, picked me up in a nice rental and brought me huge birthday balloons for our ride to Houston. I actually filmed it.

My sister texted me to let me know she had arrived in Houston, from Atlanta, so first we went to pick her up from her hotel. I hadn’t seen her since 2019. It was so awesome to actually have her there with me on my birthday. I didn’t think she was really going to come, but she did, which made me feel so special.

So then the 4 of us went to the Galleria mall in Houston which was what I wanted to do for my birthday. I love looking at all the luxury stores in that huge mall. We walked around for about 2 hours. Right before we were leaving I decided to stop in Nordstrom and I bought this perfume I had been wanting for a long time called Grand Soir, by Maison Francis Kurdkjian. It’s expensive , $250 , but I decided to get it for my birthday gift to myself.

Grand Soir by MFK. It smells incredible.

Then me and my sister, Janet, changed clothes at the mall to get ready for dinner.

Me and Janet.

Then the four of us drove to the restaurant where I had reserved us for dinner out on the patio. The name of the restaurant is Caracol, it is a very nice Mexican restaurant in the Uptown-Galleria area, not far from the mall. It was 7 of us. My mom and my sisters Fisa and Hawah met us there. They were fasting for Ramadan so I made reservations near the time they break their fast. My mom brought me a huge cake. It was so nice.

T, me and Lisa.
Janet, Me, Hawah, and Fisa
Me and Janet

Anyway it was the best birthday ever. I’m so happy to have spent it with my friends and family. It was a dream come true.

I wish I got pictures with my mom. It was short sighted of me not to get pictures with her on my birthday.

Bad Sugar

I thought I would get a head start and start eating my dessert 17 hours early. I went to the grocery store at 6:30 am and bought 2 slices of cake and a pint of Halo ice cream.

First I had 3 spoons of the Halo ice cream then I read the ingredients. It has milk and eggs in it. I immediately took it out to the dumpster.

Then I ate the whole slice of Italian cream cake. About 2 minutes later, I passed out for 3 hours. I felt groggy and drunk and I had a headache.

So apparently it was a bad idea to have a day of eating sugar. My body doesn’t like that much sugar anymore. I guess I won’t be having brownies and the Nothing Bundt Cake. I will still buy the banana pudding and peach cobbler, but I will only eat a couple spoons of it then throw it away.


Update: I changed my mind. I decided to go get 2 bundlets from Nothing Bundt Cake. I will have 1 for dinner and 1 before bed with my medication.

New visitors

I’ve received a few new visitors to the blog wondering about how I lost weight.

Here are some links to blog entries where I discuss this: