Help

My first appointment with the binge eating therapist is this wednesday

The past 3 days I have eaten perfectly on plan

I just keep telling myself two things:

  1. My mental health is better when I am not eating sugar everyday and when I have perfect diet days. I feel more in control of my life and I want to feel good about myself instead of feeling guilty all the time.
  2. I can eat whatever I want on Saturday. I keep writing down all the stuff I want to eat on Saturday. I have a long list. I’m sure I won’t be eating it all tomorrow. I will eat some next saturday too. I’m so happy I have a cheat day now.

Today I weigh 190 pounds. That is 26 pounds more than my lowest weight this year.

One of the things that was causing me so much anxiety has been removed from my life. That was my new roommate, he was so clingy, annoying, irritating and I was always in a bad mood because of him. I didn’t even realize how much anxiety he was causing me until he left. I literally said “thank God” when I saw his note that he was going back home. It was such a relief. I’m going to keep my distance from roommates in the future. I learned my lesson.

Struggling with binge eating

Ive been struggling with binge eating ever since March

I tried talking about it with my therapist but he hasn’t helped

I talked to my primary care physician about her prescribing me some weight loss medication, she said I need to get my anxiety under control and she suggested I see a binge eating therapist

I spent this morning emailing abut 10 different therapist from Psychology Today that specialize in eating disorders

1 got back to me and I sent her my insurance info, if she can accept it, then hopefully i can get started with this

My doctor didn’t rule out giving me weight loss medication, but she said most of it is contraindicated for my bipolar disorder. Most of it would throw me in a manic state.

She did raise my dose of my my Prozac and prescribed me another anxiety medication, which I’ve used before, but she said it might work better with my prozac being raised.

She wants to see me in 6 weeks to see if this has helped me at all.

I did a bad thing

I spent the past 10 days gaining back the 20 pounds I lost

I was anxious the whole week cause I was waiting on some money and I ended up eating my feelings

I binged awfully the past 10 days

Yesterday was my first day back on my diet

Eating 1700 calories a day

I think that the issue is I am depriving myself too much when I am back on my diets and I end up binging for a very long time

I need to stop that cycle, because weight cycling can cause diabetes

so I am going to experiment with something new for me

I am giving myself a cheat day. Every Saturday I am allowed to eat whatever the heck I want, up to 5,000 calories

So during the week when I am craving something, I will write it down

Then Saturday I will eat as much of it as I want

on my list right now is pineapple upside down pancakes from Snooze, vegan chicken & waffles from Mess Waffles, cookies from Crumbly, and grilled cheese sandwich with sweet potato fries from the Proudest Monkey

I’ve given myself a budget of $40 for Saturdays, it’s already in my EveryDollar app

By the way, when I binge, all of the weight goes to my stomach

and yesterday I was working at the mall and a customer asked if I was pregnant

she was really embarrassed when I told her “No I’ve just been eating a lot”

But I really do look pregnant, everything else is still small but my stomach is distended

I’m starting to crave sugar again, so I really need to cut it out during the week and at least lower my blood sugar

Right now I am constipated and super gassy so I ended up taking 4 Gas – X yesterday, which the label says dont take more than two. I think it was a mistake to take 4 cause right now my stomach and side hurts. I drank some laxative tea this morning. I hope it works.

I’m about to come on my period in 3 days and I got emotional this morning over something, it’s kind of embarassing

I was watching someone on youtube and they were eating meat and I started crying thinking about all the things cow’s have to go thru in this world. All the death and killing of them really makes me sad. They are not killed humanely for the most part, they sometimes have their heads sawed off while they are alive and wake and screaming. It’s really upsetting for me.

Daily Total

Today is the last day for the Daily Total

I weigh 173.5 today

I weighed 193 pounds last saturday

I lost 20 pounds in 1 week

I’ve been very strict with my diet this week. Never eating over 2000 calories per day. I averaged about 1800 calories per day.

I bought some Goli to help with my appetite.

I’ve been getting hungry every 3 hours, but I need to push that to every 4 hours.

I have to retrain my body for it’s hunger cues.

I’ve also been walking for 2 hours every morning from 7 am – 9 am

My weight loss has slowed down

I only lost 1.5 pounds today

I need to lose 9 pounds to get back to where I was in June

Final Tally

The day I went to Atlanta I weighed 181 pounds, the day I came back I weighed 193 pounds

I gained 12 pounds in one week

I already started putting my weight loss action plan into place

today I weigh 189 pounds

I need to lose 30 pounds

I feel like this 12 pounds will come off quick

I feel like if I can gain 12 in a week, I can lose 12 in a week

So by this Saturday I want to be back at 181 pounds

Regression and moving forward

The last time I weighed myself I weighed 181 pounds, but it was also the first day of my period

I always gain 5 pounds on my period

I am currently in Atlanta on vacation visiting my sister

She lives in a huge house on a lake so I’ve been going for a few walks around the lake

I’ve noticed I can’t walk as long around the lake as I walk in a metro city

Around the lake I can walk about 2 hours at a time before getting bored

Around the city I can walk about 6 hours before getting bored

I have been eating nothing but junk food since I’ve been here, entire packages of oreos and brownies

my calories are outrageous

the walking isn’t even making a dent in the amount of calories I’m eating

I talked to my therapist about that today

he said I am having a manic episode (I have bipolar disorder) right now and the shopping and eating is apart of that

I’ve decided that when I get back to Houston, there will be no moderation

I am completely cutting out sugar and alcohol again. I need to get all my drinking and eating junk food out of my system here, cause the second I land, that is done.

I want to lose 20 more pounds before I go see my boyfriend for Thanksgiving.

My clothes are all too tight for me right now

that is really scary

I put my weight loss calories back at 2000

I plan to walk 3 hours per day

I will leave my wallet at home so I can’t buy food while walking

I’m only going to eat the food I purchase at the grocery store

Its harder this year than last year because last year all I did was walk and go home to eat because of COVID

I wasn’t visiting my mom, or working. Those are the places I eat the most junk food at.